


Behind the Screen

by AlphaPockets



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Percy/Vex, Content Creators, Depressed Vax, Double Life, F/F, F/M, Gen, Group chat, M/M, Multi, Streaming, Texting, YouTube, YouTuber Vax, anxious character, depressed character, relationships to come, video games - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28553232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaPockets/pseuds/AlphaPockets
Summary: What do an ASMR recording artist, a cam-boy and reaction Youtuber, a meditation and spirituality creator, a professional body builder, and a cosplay and props creator have in common? One anxious, depressed faceless content creator who is desperately trying to ensure his twin sister does not find out what is in that second bedroom and why he can afford it.**OR**Vax is a faceless streamer and content creator unsure how to bridge the gap that has come between the two aspects of his life while pressures on both side continue to push in.
Comments: 28
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

_Read. Cut. Filter. Adjust. Drag Drop. Control-S._

_Repeat. Repeat._

_Echo, reverb, pitch a bit higher. Slow down that section, take three._

_Take seven_

_Lunch break._

_Red Bull one. Coffee three. Stretch the legs. Crack the wrists. At it again._

_Life of a content creator._

Vax woke up with his eyes straining already. The sun had yet to rise, but he was never one to sleep in long. Not since he moved out from living with his sister two years before. He had found a terrible studio by the airport that rattled the building when a plane took off, but it was his. At the time, it was nothing more than a bookshelf, a desk he was sure the person he bought it from got out of a dumpster and his gaming laptop. Bar shifts almost every night and time at the grocery store for extra shifts. Long days, worse nights. No sleep and endless stress.

The life of someone in the Bay Area.

The alarm sounded again, only louder. Five minutes of staring blankly at the ceiling and willing his body to get up. It was harder now that he had a real bed. The beauty of a box spring and mattress frame. Of not being on the floor. He had a dresser for his clothes, now, and even a few shelves. Those were important as his life was now spent reading books. Books he liked. Books he hated. Books he had never known were written and wished he had kept it that way. Life was different now, two years later. The best aspect was the silence of the location and the absence of rattling and engines roaring every so often. The alarm sounded one more time and he sighed, rolled over, and stood up to look at the room around him. A normal bedroom and almost plain. The door was shut off from the rest of the apartment, though he lived alone. And a single terrarium sat on a nice shelf where his snake, Simon, stayed.

He looked longingly at the rumpled bed for a moment and sighed. He had a long day ahead. No point in waiting.

He lived out of the way now. Not too far from the city he grew up in but enough that he felt removed from everything. After over two decades in the cramped and ever-growing Silicon Valley, even ten miles from the city limits felt like a safe haven. The dense collection of buildings and overpasses always fell away quickly to the barren and now sun-scorched hills of coastal California in a way that once was stunning before the droughts, but now made the foothills of the Santa Cruz chains feel even more wild and exciting. Only a few dozen miles from the heart of Apple, Google, and every major American tech company, and Vax was looking out of the window into the dense conifers of the forests.

The joys of biodiversity.

His morning runs took him along the same paths. One that had him checking the sheriff’s twitter each morning for bear warnings before setting out. It would not have been the first time if that morning he had opened the apartment door to find a black bear poking around the backyard curiously or heard the wolves in the distance. Still, it was nice to see nothing more than the early morning fog clinging to the mountain side as he locked up and stretched. It was a long day ahead of him.

Breath in. Hold. Out. Hold. Step. Step. Step.

Vax took the normal few turns down the winding lanes of the town and finally to the main road that was part of a minor highway. His stepmother once remarked that it felt like the set up for Twin peaks in this part of the town with the towering hills of trees on either side and the rustic look of a city built in the late 1800s out of wood standing firm in the face of earthquakes and mudslides. Brown buildings with faded white lettering on the signs sat in the murky air as he ran by. A portion of the area that seemed unchanged by the unforgiving push of progress. If one could ignore the out of place and overpriced luxury cars parked throughout the hidden paradise. It was everything he had needed and wanted. And at times, he could even admit that it was worth the unneeded stress for his new “career” if one could call it that.

He made his turn as the road fell from the Downtown America feel back into the dense threat of forest and the unknown. He knew a few miles in that direction would be some of the cottages people rented out for vacations and what he thought was a Christian camp. It was more his route to the ocean, as taking the main highway was pointless as he already lived halfway down 17. Vax stopped at the threshold of city and woods to catch his breath. He glanced at his watch to check the time and was greeted with the normal messages teetering into the double digits as the world around him woke up. Lights were already on at the one café and he knew the smell of fresh bread with fill the air by the time he reached the turn up the hills for home.

It was a long day. He deserved a latte.

The sun was beginning to crest over the trees and the heat rising enough to dissipate the stubborn mist when he left the small café with a lavender latte in his hand. A part of him regretted ever listening to Keyleth’s advice on what type of drink to try when they had opened. The other part of him had just paid six dollars to make sure it had coconut milk for his stomach. It was that desire to complain that had the man open his phone and start flicking his thumb across the screen while looking for the messenger app that held the group chat in question. She was not local by any means, but she was at least reachable there. He had started to scroll through the direct messages when a different screen popped up. His thumb dragged the green symbol across before he could arrest his movements and he hissed and grimaced as he put the phone to his ear. No point in hanging up, now.

“Oh, hey,” he greeted awkwardly.

“Why, hello, brother.”

Vax grimaced and looked around to make sure the parking lot was empty as he jogged to the street. Vex only called him brother when he was in trouble.

Which was probably more than most people could boast about.

“What do I owe this occasion,” he asked. “Tad bit early for you to be giving me a ring.”

“Not at all,” her voice was so prim he knew there was a point to this that she wanted to get at. Almost as much as he wanted to avoid it. “I knew you would be coming back from your run soon, after all. Anything planned today?”

“Well, actually yes. You know, I’m quite busy and all...”

“Yes, your freelancer work that you never describe in full but just claim it takes up all your time. I know. Surely you can put it off for a day and come up to the city and visit me.” He could ear the pout in her voice now and the man sighed a bit. “If you’re making enough money to only bartend here and there, surely you make enough to stall for a day.”

Vax was quiet because he was not sure how truthful that was. He had two chapters to put out. He had to check if the group was doing anything live. He had a call with his manager about his channel analytics and the actual freelance stuff he did do to finish. But he couldn’t tell her all that. He looked at the cover of his drink and thought. Perhaps the day would end up being an all-nighter.

“Vax,” his twin’s voice pulled him back.

“Yes,” his reply was too quick, and he winced again.

“If there is an actual reason you can’t come up then say it, but it has been a month since we spent time together. Just a day.”

The walk sign started blinked. He jogged across the street and cursed himself. He’d have to reschedule that call again and shuffle his recording. Maybe he could read on the train so the chapters would only need one or two takes. Music browsing would have to wait as his sister would notice the difference in tones immediately and get nosy. But she was right, it had been a month. And each break between was only growing longer.

“You win,” he conceded and turned up the road toward his place. “Are we going to be in the city proper?”

“Of course, darling,” she replied. Her voice was now genuinely cheerful. He felt some pride in that at least. “Don’t take the train, there are apparently expected hold ups already.”

“You just want me to take the bike so you can get bored and we drive down to Halfmoon.”

“Oh, not at all. I’ll leave you to it then.”

The line went dead, and Vax sighed for the tenth time that morning.

The drive up to San Fransisco was always a task in itself. Some days, he took the faster root, returning to the main hub of civilization and riding up. It was faster, though often more dangerous with the copious number of questionable drivers, traffic, and the odd road mishap here and there. There was the luxury of gas stations if that were a problem and the promise of constant reception. Other days, like today, he gave himself the luxury of going the long road.

The ride down to Santa Cruz was already a half hour out of the way, but part of living by the Basin meant everything was out of the way. That had been the inherent charm, after all. But once he got onto the highway that hugged the dramatic coastline, the stress faded for a moment. For an hour of his time, it was nothing but the hum of the motor, the wind rushing past, an endless line of ocean, and peace. It was a world of difference from where he had come from. From where he was headed. And from the stress at home that waited when his day off was over.

Vex had moved North when he had moved West. Her interests were in the world of promise that lay ahead of her. A charismatic, shrewd, and fascinatingly dominant personality was coupled by her understanding of people and knowledge of exactly when to stay silent and when to push a topic. It made her for more reliable than a basic girl from accounting. And in an area heavy in industry and business hubs, she had found a niche in a marketing firm. In that time, she had found a roommate who she eventually started dating. They stay in different rooms to keep from rushing things, but it seemed to work well. Her life had taken off in a way that some dream of and wish they had, though a part of him knew she missed the fun days from college where they were getting into trouble and driving their father mental.

His life had been less clear. A degree he obtained out of passion not sensibility. A field that was already heavily occupied by experienced people, limiting new jobs. An area that was dense in the field of graphic and web design. He had fallen back on his personality and charm to make it—by that, Vax meant he had been a bartender at two places. One was back in Downtown San Jose at a place he and Vex had frequented out of a desire to infuriate their father more. The other was the dive in his new town that had the same seven visitors and the occasional drivers who had taken the turn off 17 to avoid traffic. He had found freelance work that slowly replaced his grocer shifts, but that was not what his main career anymore.

He was not embarrassed about it. Not exactly. But there was a desire to keep the lives separate. The world of online-Vax, or Raven as he was nicknamed (a truncated version of his username on most platforms) was something that he knew existed alone. It was the place where a side of him could come out that was more authentic in some ways. Others, it was more for show. As the anonymous, faceless entity known for a smooth accented voice, he was able to show sides of him that felt alive and unjudged. His depression could be discussed. His anxieties were addressed. He flirted with guys openly and had been open about his sexuality over the last year in a way he had never accomplished with his in-face friends. Raven was someone who had become the escape that real world Vax needed. But, at the same time, that bridge made him realize the strange dichotomy of his life.

In a world where he hid his identity, his true self was free. Yet, in a world that saw his face, it was the time he actually wore a mask.

How to bridge that gap was something he had yet to discover. And that was why he had avoided his sister.

**The Shitzz**  
**TheCuuuube** Raven what do you mean you can’t stream this afternoon  
**GoldenGoddess** Who changed my name? Scanlan?  
**TheCuuuube** It’s the truth.  
**Raven** I have to see my sister in the city. I apparently have been avoiding her.  
**GoldenGoddess** Have you?  
**Raven** Not on purpose. She’s being nosy.  
**GoldenGoddess** Well, I will be in my server later for Minecraft if you need to vent, okay?  
**TheCuuuube** Buy me something pretty ;)

The other issue he faced was how to address the situation known as his friends. The ones Raven had. Was it entirely normal for one person to have accumulated an ASMR recording artist (is artist the word for that? He often wondered.), a cam-boy and reaction Youtuber, a meditation and spirituality creator, a professional body builder, and a cosplay and props creator into one group chat when only two of them had met in person?

Keyleth had listened to some of his recordings he had done as a joke when someone on his random Shadow of Mordor streams told him he needed to record The Hobbit. They had some traction, but her sharing it on her social media pages, praising his editing and tone had caused his site to be flooded. Then came the awkward thank-you messages and the gentle but still more awkward flirting.

Then came the messages from others who were her friends.

And then came the invite to stream together. 

Thirteen months later, he was pulling into an overpriced parking garage near the Opera House with no clue how to bridge his two worlds and a sister who is noticing more and more that he did not work traditionally for his money.

“Do you not like it,” Vex asked as she held a candle to his nose. He had wrinkled it and snorted.

“It smells like you’re trying too hard to fit in at Coachella again,” he replied. The sage, in his defense, was coming off a bit too pungent for the cedar.

“I think you’re too fussy.”

He hummed in reply.

They had met at the Opera House as they usually did. She had taken the train in from Union City where she lived as it was too close to excuse a parking garage in her mind. They both had their Cards filled for the busses. She had him now in a myriad of small shopping spots by the piers as he grimaced and carried her bags. They always went shopping when he came up and she always made him carry. Naturally, Percival had been “too busy” and also had no “desire to crash sibling time.” He read it as a failed excuse to relieve himself from the duties Vax now fulfilled.

His sister was lucky he was incomplete without her.

“Vex, do you really need all this stuff,” he asked as they left the store with another bag. She was clipping some hair accessory into her shiny, black locks as they moved.

“Of course not, darling, but we don’t need to just live with what we need.”

He hummed neutrally in reply again. A life as her constant companion taught him arguments were not always needed. Or wise.

“You’re doing that face again,” she accused.

“What face! I’m thinking,” he defended pout.

“No wonder it looks so foreign.”

Vax’s eyes narrowed and he tugged at her hair.

“I’m serious, though. I am starting to wonder where this money is coming from. And why you haven’t tried to get me employed with this firm that has you so well-funded.”

“The first issue is you know nothing of coding outside of how to send different emojis online,” he replied. “And second, why would I give you my clients if I want to make money?”

“And what clients are those?”

Almost one million subscribers on Twitch and YouTube with a well-fed Patreon and Ko-Fi pages, Vax thought to himself.

“One is an adult website page,” he replied without entirely lying. He had helped with Scanlan’s… designs.

A job he drank to forget.

“Vax,” Vex hissed scandalized. He simply laughed in response.

“You asked. The others are just some small jobs with custom sites, sales sites. It’s just a lot of little things, which is why I never have time.”

Again, living in partial truths made it easy to lie. He had helped with graphics for some of Keyleth’s site and with the Stream add-ons for Pike and Grog. He had not charged them, of course, but they had paid anyway. It had been a slight argument that they had been why he made enough money to be on his own, and that was payment enough. Grog stated it best, which even Vax was shocked to agree he made sense, when you said you couldn’t eat friendship.

Scanlan, of course, had immediately made it weird.

Their credit to his work on their pages and streams had brought in a different slew of attention, which was the freelance work he could be honest about. Still…

“I’m just worried about you, Vax. Only a year ago, you seemed like you had lost all sight of why you were doing anything and the ambition to create seemed to be gone. I’ll be honest, I had serious concerns about your safety when you moved to the middle of the mountains as you had.”

He grinned a blithe smile and shrugged.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m never far away from you, and I’m alright now.”

Vex looked unsure and watched him closely.

“You are happy, though, right?”

Well. Wasn’t that a question?

“Of course,” he replied with a smile.

The words tasted like ash in his mouth.

“Wait, we have someone joining us.”

“Hey everyone,” Vax commented softly.

“Raven,” Keyleth rang out excitedly. It made him smile. “We didn’t expect you here tonight!”

“I didn’t expect me here tonight,” he admitted. “But I got everything I needed done. Including acting as bag boy for the dearest.”

“How long are you on,” Pike’s sweet tone cut through the music of the game. “You sound exhausted.”

“Oh, just an hour or so. I figured as long as you were on, I could make some screen time.”

“We’re glad you’re here,” the deep, rolling tone of Gilmore followed. “Always brighten up the chat.”

“Flatterer,” Vax replied with a grin and blushed in the darkness of his room.

“Always.”

He felt like he was home.

_Thing 2 (9:10am): Daddy dearest wants us to go see him next weekend.  
Thing 1 (9:11am): Make it worth our time and we’ll go.  
Thing 2 (9:13am): He did pay or our school. As he reminded me five times in one phone call. Can you please answer him next time?  
Thing 1 (9:15am): I’m sorry, what was that? I am going through a tunnel.  
Thing 2 (9:15am): That doesn’t even work on calls these days!  
Thing 1 (9:16am): Read 9:16am._

_Read once. Read twice. Drink tea—no sugar as Keyleth reminded him again. Breathing practices._

_Filter songs. Look through music. Repeat.  
Repeat._

_Scroll through Twitter. Scroll through Steam._

_The next big thing. The latest trend. Check the analytics.  
How many out of 10?  
Another cup of tea._

Another sleepless night.

“Alright, Simon, is it time to feed you yet,” Vax asked the empty air of his bedroom. 

It was almost dawn once again and his jogger were already on and his open tank top lay waiting on his bed. His last three days had ended not long before his normal run time. Two of his graphics clients had changed their design ideas just before deadline, causing him to shift the whole layout and reorder his nights. The two books he was reading lay open with their spines bending unforgivably on his bedside table. He had fallen asleep with one on his chest, though he thankfully did not move much. He had almost failed to get the new update done on time, but it was rendering now. A sacrifice to make his sister happy.

He belatedly realized that he had made it seem like seeing his twin was a pressure. He had called her the next day while editing to apologize about it. It seemed the ease of conversation with distance also made it easier with his sister. It had been nice to hear her so excited to talk as she did her housework. He sat at his computer screens with the Wacom pen twisting between his fingers and a smile on his face. Two hours had gone by before he saw the sky darkening and she realized she needed to take Trinket for a walk. 

A step in the right direction.

Simon, of course, was unmoved by the question, but he had not expected an answer from the snake. That would have been foolish. Instead, he consulted the calendar by the enclosure with a pout and thought. He could go into the city next week for some food for Simon. His father did want to see them after all, and his preferred specialty shop was there. Defeat fell hard, but he tugged the elastic from his wrist and pulled his hair up.

He was not a stranger to that feeling.

**The Shitzz**  
**ScanTheMan** Raft?  
**Keke** Sure we haven’t played in a while!  
**Pike** Hey guys, not tonight. Grog and I have to film something for his channel and he needs me there for lighting and camera work. :(  
**ScanTheMan** No problem, we can pull in some others. Raven, are you down?  
**Raven** I’m down. I need someone to proof my audio files as Gilmore has appointments today.  
**Keke** I can! I’m not recording today anyway until the stream. I needed a day off to cleanse my aura. Too much stress.  
**Pike** Are you okay?  
**Keke** I’m fine. Just got in a bad headspace looking at my dashboard and realized I needed a break from YouTube for the day. Nothing major.  
**Pike** Oh dear. I’m sorry.  
**ScanTheMan** We love you, Ke  
**Keke** Oh. Love you too!

Keyleth’s Corner @VoiceofTempest

> @PikeTrickfoot sent me snacks! #bestfriends

Pike T. @PikeTrickfoot – _replying to @VoiceofTempest_

> I am so glad I made you smile! Keep your head up lovely, we’ll call tomorrow!

“Raven,” Keyleth always spoke like she was unsure how to talk to him.

That was fair as he had the habit of being both the most aloof with her and the keenest to ask questions. He was not sure how to approach their budding friendship. Though she was his first friend in this crazy new world, it was also a bridge that teetered on the edge of benefactor and recipient. For months, much of the praise for new attention and popularity was dumped into her lap, despite her attempts to deny it. She walked on eggshells often, as she and Pike had been on the call when he had his first breakdown over the idea of people attempting to send him fan mail and ask to tip him. It was Keyleth, with Scanlan’s more colorful comments, who guided him into making a full set up for his streaming. Who coached him on how to actually interact with the waiting public in a way that was presenter-like and less business professional. She had showed him the ropes, but that leadership feel to her actions almost created a gap between them. Another one in his life he was unsure how to bridge.

He was fond of her. Immeasurably. Though he questioned her medium, as he was convinced no one actually listened to ASMR for the soothing effect, and he was sure she was slightly off her rocker in the very hippie way that even made the beach-loving girls who appropriated everything Middle and Far Eastern for “aesthetic” look ridged and set in the rules. She had not been raised by the strict father who had expectations for his children, or by the devote but still imposing mother who yielded to her ex-husband enough to get what she needed from him. Her family had been free spirited and open to the world. As open as his was closed off through predetermined mindsets. She was odd. But she also was odd in a way that let him think and explore. It was good for him.

“I think the only edit I would give for the second recording is maybe turn down the echo effect from minutes 15 to 17, as it resonates with your voice too much. Also, it may be clicking that was picked up from your habit of playing with something as you pause from nerves.”

He knew what it was, and his tongue immediately played with the lip ring that clicked endlessly against his teeth.

“But aside from that, this may be the best reading you have done. Which, bravo. But I’m concerned because you also said you haven’t been sleeping.”

“I recorded that after I came back from the city,” he promised her. “I have only been doing design after streams.”

“That doesn’t help. Have you gotten the blue lens glasses like we keep asking you to?”

“I’m looking at them.” Another half-truth she seemed to pick up on if the hum was a hint. “I’ll look again.”

“Do. Or I am telling Gilmore and he’ll make good on the promise to shower you in gifts until you just accept suggestions.”

And they would definitely be something to behold, he knew. The man was not one for subtle designs, though his work was stunning.

“Fine. I’ll even screenshot the order notice.”

_New Stream. VOD posted. Clips harvested.  
Edit. Save._

_Post and wait. Notifications on._

__

__

_Buzz. _Buzz_ Likes. Comments. Shares.  
Notifications off._

_Another day. Another video. Two more chapters.  
Three more books to find._

_Another sound bank to locate. Keep it fresh. Keep it new. Call that client back. Send that package._

What next? Now what…

_Bzzzzzz_

**DM: PikeTrickfoot and QuothTheRaven**  
**PikeTrickfoot** Keep me company?  
**QuothTheRaven** Of course. What is up?  
**PikeTrickfoot** Oh. Well. You know.  
**PikeTrickfoot** My car broke down on the 1 and I am waiting for the truck. I figured I should have someone keep me company while I wait.

Vax was up on his feet before he knew what had moved him. His Airpod was in before he realized it and the bleeping of a Discord call filled his ear. Pike answered quickly.

“Raven, I swear I’m fine.”

“Not to question your strength as a capable woman who could pulverize me,” he replied as he looked for his pants that had been tossed… somewhere. “But you are also rather small, and I’d rather you not alone on the side of an isolating highway. What are you even doing on the 1, you live inland?”

“Oh. Well, I was heading north and there was a lot of construction. So, I decided to make a day of it and drive early.”

Vax only now looked at the clock to see that it was not even dawn. Of course, he had been awake. It was minutes before his alarm to run went off. He also found his pants.

“Where are you exactly,” he asked as he jumped and wriggled to pull them up.

“Uh… I think I am not too far from Monterey now. I passed the bridge?”

“The bridge? Could you be more specific, love?”

“The one all the car commercials use,” Pike replied vaguely, and Vax remembered she had only moved this way in the last two years.

“Got it. I can be there in just over an hour if you can stay out of trouble by then. Is there anyone else you can call while you wait?”

“Wait, you’re coming here?” Her voice was harder now. The lightness was gone.

He swallowed.

“I’m not going to let you sit on the side of the road or in some shop hoping for an eventual ride.”

“Raven…” she started but only sighed.

“Pike?” he paused long enough to be sure she was waiting. “I’m trusting you.”

“I know.”

She hung up and he caught his reflection in the windowpane as the darkness continued to envelop the mountain side around him. His own anxious gaze watched back. She said she understood. Had it been anyone else, he would not have believed them so openly. So genuinely.

But it was Pike. And she had been, if nothing else, the best of them all.

**The Shitzz**  
**Pike** I am fine. My ride will be here soon for me.  
**Grog** this is why i said wait for me  
**Pike** I’m sorry, Grog <3 I promise I will next time.  
**Keke** Who is getting you? The friend you were visiting?  
**Pike** No. But a friend none the less.

Vax frowned as he watched the replies scroll past on his watch. She was keeping his secret from the group. The secret from the only group who knew about his darkest sides. It felt wrong.

**Raven** It’s me. I’m on the way.

It was easier from behind the screen.

He arrived in the small autobody shop not far from Salinas an hour and a half later. He had broken one continuous speed limit along the way, but he had never been one to obey that specific rule of the road. His bike was meant to eat up the open road like a starved man. He had spent a lot of money on it, ensuring it would be something he could love forever. His sister got his first love—an old Integra that she had repainted and fixed up more than his two hands could manage. The Teg ran well enough to handle the demanding landscape of Northern California, but he had wanted something else. A rebellious stage, maybe. Or the determination to have something he got on his own. Either way, Vax was glad to have had the cruiser now.

He knew Pike had no clue who to look for. Over a year of friendship, he had only informed them that he was of a half-Asian heritage (which then prompted the guessing game after the stream—Grog getting it right with Korean) with long, black hair. That he was taller and thin. But in California, that was more common than some people were aware of. He knew her, however, from her countless videos, pictures, and streams. She had brown hair that was normally piled on her head in a twisted bun. There was a stretch goal people demanded for their upcoming charity drive for her to bleach it out and go platinum, which had sparked Scanlan’s new game of calling her the Golden Goddess at every chance. He knew what she looked like in theory but was shocked to see exactly how small she was in person.

Pike sat reading an outdated magazine with more interest than most would have given the situation. Her feet swung as the toes of her shoes were still inches from the floor. Her jacket looked to be a child’s size and was deposited on the side with a bag his own back ached to look at. That hair was not so primly styled now that she was not making an effort but was tossed up in a bun that was half falling out. He took a deep breath and opened the door, knowing there was no going back from this.

Pike was far more important than his anxieties. That much he knew.

The door chime was almost ominous in the silence and her head glanced up. He watched the recognition strike her as her nose wrinkled and brow puckered in confusion, then smoothed out to a look of relief. She smiled and he saw for a moment exactly why Scanlan was so helpless for her. She was positively angelic and glowing with excitement as she stood and gathered her stuff. They approached each other and there was a pregnant pause between them. The woman seemed to vibrate with the need to thank him while knowing not everyone was welcomed to touching or affection. He broke it by pulling her in.

“Thank you so much,” she murmured into his sternum as her arms squeezed alarmingly tight.

“Ribs, love,” he warned playfully. “I have your helmet in the saddlebag. Do you know how long they’ll have the car?”

“Two days. I can get a rental tomorrow as it’s Sunday. I’ve been looking at hotels.”

She was trailing behind him, digging through her bag to adjust things. Vax chewed his lip as he reviewed her comment.

“Nonsense. I have plenty of space. Put your bag in there,” he opened the flap of his leather saddlebag with too much ease. Pike paused and watched him.

“Ra…” she paused, and her mouth clicked shut as she realized she did not even know his name. “You’re already giving me a ride someplace. That’s more than enough.”

“At least let me take you back away from here. You only get weird tourists. Bag in the bag. I should have a spare set of sunglasses in the pouch for my sister.”

Her nose wrinkled again.

“I promise I’m not a serial killer,” he added brightly.

“That’s what they all say,” she informed him. But she also put the helmet on.

She said he could trust her.

“Are you sure you’re not going to kill me,” Pike asked from her spot behind him on the bike.

He figured that was a fair question as they pulled up Bear Creek and the twisting landscape enveloped them. They had paused on an outlook as he had heard her gasp in wonder. He understood. No matter how long he lived in the state—or the town for that matter—there was no getting over the sight of the world dropping away into an endless sea of green and wilderness. Knowing that for all that is known about the world, the shadows held their mysteries. He only laughed and hold her to put on the sunglasses again. She had a whole two days to enjoy the view, as he promised she could join in his daily jogs.

He could feel her shift slightly the whole ride. Thankfully, she hardly weighed enough to throw the bike’s balance off, even as they turned up the tight road that led to his apartments. He had parked in the garage space allotted to him and led her inside. There was nothing much to speak of for his idea of design. A lot of pictures of him and his sister. Some odds and ends his mother’s family used to pick up for him. Artwork, both his and collected from others hung on the walls. The couch was old and had a cover over the cushions to hide what he assumed was the former owner’s shame that had permanently stained one side in what he hoped was ketchup or red wine. Pike settled her bag at the end of the couch and dropped down.

“Is this me,” she asked.

“What? No, I have a day bed in the stream room you can use. I trust you not to mess with anything in there.”

“The stream room,” Pike asked carefully.

“Yeah. It’s. Well. I don’t let people in there because…” he floundered for a moment, but she took pity on him with a soft smile.

“Got it. No one should be coming by?”

“Nope. No, I generally don’t have…”

Three hard knocks froze him. That would be his sister. She always knocked like it was business.

“… She has the worst timing?”

“Girlfriend?”

That made Vax laugh.

“Hardly. Sister.”

“Should I hide?”

“… This. No, you’re not an awkward college fling. Just… let me see if I can get her to stay outside.”

Vax had not planned for the irrational variable in this situation. Proof that he was not destined for a mathematics lifestyle. That irrational variable had not been his sister, who had looked flustered and shocked that her brother answered so quickly, but the 120lb Newfoundland who decided at that moment to bound merrily out of his mother’s grip and into his uncle’s apartment at the smell of a new friend. That would have been normal. Fine even. If not for the thud that followed, the gasp, then the laughter as Trinket had apparently toppled the small woman and began to bathe her in affection.

“Do you have a guest over,” Vex asked with a keen smirk that made his face heat.

“Uh,” he offered. Smooth as silk…

She did not answer and pushed her way passed. Vax made to grab for her, but his twin dodged and ran down the small entry hall with him hot on her heels. She paused at the doorway and watched as Pike, sitting on the floor, played with a happy Trinket who had sprawled on his stomach and was groaning in glee to the beat of his wagging tail.

“Oh! Hello,” Pike greeted with all the charm Vax never bothered to muster.

“I wasn’t aware Vax had friends over,” his sister commented, eying the woman curiously before her eyes wandered elsewhere. “I assume he doesn’t take his clients to his house?”

“Not a client,” he offered in a strangled tone as he noted that Vex was now looking at the obvious overnight bag by the couch.

“Just stopping through to see my friends up north,” Pike replied happily. “You must be his sister. He mentions you a lot.”

He didn’t in fact. He never mentioned her more than when she called or when he saw her.

“Oh, and what has he told you?”

“Recently that you two were shopping,” he thanked this small woman for being so perceptive and attentive. “He seemed like you run him ragged when you go out, so I’m assuming he doesn’t do it often enough?”

_Ouch_

But Vex smiled.

“I was dropping by for lunch but if he is so occupied…” Vex was hinting. He did not like when she hinted.

“Nope! We have all the time in the world.”

“You two aren’t busy?”

“Not at all,” Pike smiled, now guessing what his sister was insinuating. “I could distract myself in town.”

“You can come with us,” Vex insisted. Her tone spoke of no argument.

Vax froze. His phone buzzed. He did not have time for this. Two chapters. Three books. Sound files.

“Anyone in the mood for La Vics?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pike stays, Vex gets curious, and Vax meets Allura and Kima.

_Chatter. Traffic. Downtown life.  
La Vic’s. British Arms. AFK._

_Shopping. Downtown Campbell. Bookstore. Irish store.  
Candy store._

_Rush hour. Happy hour. Traffic jam._

A sharp turn and he was headed home.

“She was not that bad,” Pike insisted with a smile as they made it through the door.

Vex had parted to take 85 home rather than head back into the mountains only to leave them again. What should have been a quick trip into their hometown had become an all-day outing. One that set him back heavily, yet Pike promised to help edit if he needed the extra time for his art. His sister had prodded multiple times to check if they were dating. Pike had effortlessly sidestepped all of her attempts to get more information about how they knew each other. She was honest, however, as there were no lies told. Simple half-truths that go far. He helped her with some sites and her friends with some. She had found his artwork and communicated with him there and they stayed in contact. That Pike was a yoga instructor and a counselor, so they talked about fitness topics.

The channels were never mentioned. They both knew should she find Pike, who gave her middle name, had one it would inevitably lead back to Quoeth the Raven content. Once Vex realized she would not get more out of the woman, they switched to bonding. Which led to shopping in three different areas. Food at a popular burrito place. Drinks at two of the popular bars. Happy Hour at the Market when rush hour hit. He had put in the order for his food for Simon while the pair were in the Philippine market getting ice cream and bags of Lumpia to fry at home. The girls had decided that if she ever came to town again, Vax would have to let them meet up again, as one afternoon was not enough once they got onto the topic of baking and cooking.

Now, Vax was back home and pulling his hair out of his braid, watching Pike do the same. He had told her a braid was best for the motorcycle, as the hair fit better, and it would not get tangled. Now, after a day of the hair pulled tight and weighed under a helmet, it felt like heaven to shake out the hair and relax the scalp. He also made no attempt to confirm or deny her description of his sister.

“Did you want to actually go to the Mystery Spot or were you trying to keep her off your back,” Pike asked.  
“I meant it. I figure you could get some social media content there while I get stock images for another bit of work I have lined up.”  
“That’s actually a really good idea! I need to tell them about the delay, as it means my channel will be down a video and I may miss streaming. Oh gosh. I need to check my followers in the morning to make sure I haven’t taken that much of a hit by being gone all day.”

“How is this,” Vax replied. “There is a nice part of the main road back into the forest about two miles away. Wait for a break in traffic and I take a nice, low angle shot of you. Put a small filter, add or remove saturation, and say you’ve been communing with nature after an unfortunate incident. Some story time on Snapchat and Instagram, and you’re covered.”

“Oh, gosh. Yes, perfect. If you don’t mind?” Vax shook his head. “For someone who does little to curate and overly appease his audience, you really understand it well.”

“Well,” he replied and pulled his hair up into a messy bun, “I hear you all talk about it on stream and on our group calls enough to have picked up some tactics.”

The picture was posted. They found a part of the woods behind his apartment that was dense enough to hide the houses around for her to explain her situation, the savior’s name never released, saying she was now staying a few hours away from her original destination, which was vague enough. Likes and comments of support flooded in. She posted that there was no need for donations as she could cover the cost and would be streaming in a few days, but missing tomorrow’s group Raft session. They already discussed how he had to stream to keep up appearances. But for the night, she sat at one computer with his headphones on and following his procedure notes on editing the clips after coaching him through three chapters. Vax sat at his art tablet and worked on the commissions that were requested. Soft music played in the background.

For a moment, it was nice to share this aspect of his life. Even if for a few days.

**The Shitzz**  
**TheMeatMan** Raven can you do a photoshoot for me too.  
**TheMeatMan** ;)  
**Raven** I am almost tempted, though I am sure you will go out of your way to make it awkward.  
**GloriousGilmore** Of course he would. He cannot help but push the boundaries.  
**TheMeatMan** I would be respectful to my dear shy boy. I remember the shock he got when he first started work on my channel.  
**Raven** In my defense, I was never warned there may be ball sack hanging out.  
**Keke** I think the best part of hearing Raven talk is that ball sack probably sounded more elegant than most of what I say.  
**Keke** Did Pike leave?  
**Raven** About two hours ago, yeah. She went on a run with me first.  
**Keke** The story locations were so pretty. I am so jealous.  
**Raven** It was my backyard, believe it or not.  
**TheMeatMan** Can I breakdown an hour away from you.  
**Raven** Yes, but the difference is you’ll be sleeping in my bed.  
**TheMeatMan** I make a wonderful little spoon.  
**Raven** Did I miss anything while I was hosting?  
**GloriousGilmore** Aside from almost missing the stream, no. Though Kima was talking about returning to Twitch after all.  
**Raven** Allura’s Kima, the one who had the stage fighting channel? Interesting choice.  
**Raven** Did they break up?  
**Keke** No, it’s a joint channel and streaming idea, I guess. From what Kima was telling Gilmore, they’re moving in together soon and Allura thought it would be a nice way to introduce that element of her daily life stuff without it clogging up the original channel.  
**Raven** That sounds like too much work.  
**Grog** Agreed.  
**Raven** How did Tibs take it?  
**Keke** Ooooooh. Well, he has been dark for almost a week still. No updates to any of his profiles, so we think everything that happened with his family getting sick may have put him on a hiatus.

Vax read the length of time and for a moment, he almost forgot what that meant for a public face. A week was nothing for the average person. A time that was always too short for a vacation. How long some class projects last. Hell, he had gone longer without calling people or texting as it was not that long. But in their world, that was almost a death sentence to his channel and work. Tibs had been a small-time entertainment scientist Vlogger with a master’s in chemistry. He made most of the videos in his spare time for fun as a series of “DYI Science” fun geared for the young or curious about the field. Recently, he had a string of sicknesses in the family that had left him awkward, angry, and then absent. He had left the group chat two weeks ago without warning.

But a week was a long time when people expected content. It was why they all streamed when they could—when a video wouldn’t fit, a VOD would fill in the gaps. It was also why he had recorded so much stuff with Pike on their way to the Mystery Spot, so she had plenty to work on as filler for the gap that inevitably would form. A tightness gripped his chest as he remembered how much he always had left to do and how fleeting the memory of the public was. The tune to “The Entertainer” played mockingly in his mind as he thought about the truth. He would not be a name if he does not stay on the top of the algorithm. A momentary dread hit that without the channel he may not be much else, though no one even knew who he was that watched. He had come to rely on the persona of the Raven as an outlet for so much of his personal issues that the thought of losing it all made him wonder who he would be then.

Just Vax, the older twin of a broken marriage with crippling anxiety and depression he could tell no one about because of the shame and ideals pressed on him as a small child that lingered.

**The Shitzz**  
**Keke** I still feel like I need to try and get out your way some day if only because I need to see the ocean.  
**Grog** We don’t live by the ocean Minxi, we live inland.  
**Keke** Closer than I am. I’ve only seen the ocean once when I visited family in Texas.  
**Pike** I get why you hate driving up to the city, Raven. I barely made it through ten minutes ago. I’m getting gas on the other side of the bridge and wow the traffic.  
**Raven** I told you.  
**TheMeatMan** My shining light. I hope this trip is better than the last.  
**Pike** Hi Scanlan. And it is.  
**Keke** Scanlan, I know there are five channels dedicated to the ship between you two, but must you bring it here.  
**TheMeatMan** Practice until it becomes reality.  
**Pike** Lol, bye guys. I’m back on the road.  
**Keke** Drive safe

_Thing 1 (2:40pm): Witness my attempt to reach out better.  
Thing 2 (2:56pm): I am witnessing. Can I help you?  
Thing 1 (3:00pm): I figure we could see whatever summer series concert is tomorrow night and go.  
Thing 2 (3:03pm): We haven’t done that in ages, I’d love to.  
Thing 1 (3:05pm): Tell Percy he is required to come this time. Or I will know he’s avoiding meeting me._

**DM: QuothTheRaven and VoiceoftheTempest**  
**QuothTheRaven** [Screenshot Sent]  
**QuothTheRaven** Look at me trying.  
**VoiceoftheTempest** I’m very proud of you. You are now allowed on my Minecraft Server.  
**QuothTheRaven** The things I do for love.  
**VoiceoftheTempest** Is Percy the boyfriend you don’t like?  
**QuothTheRaven** I don’t dislike him.  
**VoiceoftheTempest** Raven, most people don’t threaten to kill people they like unless they’re Grog. And you’re not Grog.  
**QuothTheRaven** That was once and after the car accident. Valid reason to threaten his life.  
**VoiceoftheTempest** This is why I’m glad I’m an only child. No one to scare off potential partners I may want.  
**QuothTheRaven** I would say she’d do the same but that would imply I date.  
**VoiceoftheTempest** Okay that’s a hard same. Awkward people high five.  
**QuothTheRaven** _High Five_

“I’ve never seen you so glued to your phone,” Vex commented as she put her sunglasses on.

They exited the boardwalk arcade and into the hot summer air. It was nearly six at night, yet the sky was bright and the temperature still in a warm high 80s. Nothing like the numbers Scanlan complained about from his past living in the desert, but high enough for those in the area. It was busy and the stage was set for the local bands that would play on the beach that evening. Vex had her hair down, as she was inhuman and did not suffer when her neck was sweaty, with a dress over her bathing suit. Beside her and holding her bag was Percy, the boyfriend who had been dodging Vax since the text threat he had sent months before.

He was not sure what his sister’s type was, as she had never been specific in who she dated, but somehow Percy did not seem like the sort. He was a bit pompous and full of himself, self-deprecating and dry, and almost annoyingly well-spoken and intelligent. Despite himself, Vax was humored by the man. He was pale and looked like any time in the sun would burn his skin with thin-framed glasses and pale hair and scruff that Vax was sure was white and not platinum blond. He had been in charge of holding the bag that was larger than his soccer bag and her softball bag back when they played sports and seemed to always let her handle the money. She had always been good with it to the point of penny-pinching.

They were early and had no intentions of sitting among the crowded area, so he had no issues pulling out his phone to check the group chat which, as always, was blowing up with the comments about their lives, comments, ideas, and most recently an impromptu stream. He stopped and looked at her with a scowl before putting his phone away in his back pocket.

With Kima back in the internet world, they had decided to pull together a bit of an announcement stream, which he was not available for. Allura and Kima had joined the chat almost after they told Gilmore and had been planning with Keyleth what they should start with first, as she was the only other person who did slice of life filming. Scanlan, had offered his ideas with some tongue in cheek, which were promptly shut down. He’d have to wait to meet the famed happy couple that he only knew of extensively through the others. Still, he hopped in to type a message.

“Is it that hard to imagine I have friends. You met one.”

“I’m still convinced you’re not telling me the whole truth about Pike. She’s certainly not a girl who you’d be embarrassed about seeing that way, and you’ve never been particularly shy about this stuff before.”

 _I haven’t been shy about one part of it,_ he thought to himself. He shrugged instead and aimed for aloof.

“Be glad we had a good time,” Vax told her after feeling her gaze on him.

“If you two are going to have a spat, I’ll go grab us some beers,” Percy announced. “Darling?”

“The blue card,” she informed him. Then her attention was back on him. “Why are you lying to me, Vax.”

“I’m not lying,” he told her, ignoring that he always was omitting truth. “I have done work for her and her friends. We stayed in contact. We are not sleeping together. And she happened to need a place to stay with the car breaking down. Is it that hard to believe?”

“Yes,” she told him. “Because you never just allow people to stay over, not even friends we’ve known for ages. So, either you two are closer than you want to let on or you two are dating. And it bothers me you can’t be honest.”

He couldn’t be honest. How would she react to knowing everything? All the of the truths behind it. That the brother she knew so well was only a façade that had been built up over years of practice. That there were people who knew him far better now because they were still just people on the other side of the screen.

But they weren’t now. He called them. Pike was there for two days.

“I just find it easier to be close to her because I am not in front of her,” he told her finally. “The… distance makes it easier.”

Vex watched him.

“Is it the same with me. That you just find it easier to be close from afar.”

Vax looked out at the water and shrugged. He could feel eyes on them. He knew people looked. Individually, they were attractive. It was something he had never been unaware of, especially as his sister was fawned over and he looked almost identical. They were also whispering harshly at each other in a public place. He could feel their eyes. He wondered if anyone recognized him, even out here.

“Maybe,” he replied softly. “I don’t mind going out. It’s just easier to keep in touch and be open when I’m not looking at people sometimes. Like it removes the stress. I don’t feel obligated to reply right away and can think through my comments. It’s just… easier.”

“Is that why you don’t try to come see me,” she asked. He frowned.

“Perhaps. It isn’t because I don’t enjoy time together, Vex. It just hates leaving to do things and you hate staying indoors.”

“And your consulting jobs,” she pressed. He groaned.

“I do them from my spare room like I always claim. It’s just nice to work on my own and be moderately known so tech companies don’t promise offers I’d be foolish to turn down.”

“I’m worried about you alone in that house.”

“I’m not alone. I have Simon.” He offered her with a smile. He could see Percy approaching and was hoping to shrug off the talk before he returned.

Vex frowned and looked toward her boyfriend. The set for the opening act began and they settled on the boardwalk from a distance.

_Views. Trends. New rumors. Face reveal. Doxing threats. Death threats.  
Was that you._

_Ignore. Flag. Delete.  
Edit. Read. Record._

_Don’t let it get to you. Keep your head above deadlines._

_Stroke. Stroke. Blend. Save.  
Line. Line. Fade. Save.  
Tint. Hue. Levels. Save._

_Rendering. Uploading.  
Five minutes. Ten minutes. Hundred views. Two hundred views.  
This book next. Sound effects.  
Pin. Like. Pin. Like. Reply  
Thank-you._

_Thing 2 (4:09pm): Can I see some of your work one day? Just us and maybe a sleepover like college again. Trashy food and beer.  
Thing 1 (4:30pm): Give me a heads up first, at least. More than an hour._

Vax stared at his dark room and the way his computer glowed. His prize for so long was making it himself. Perfect for art. It was now no more than a set piece for the rest of his equipment. His artwork. His purchases. One he had rolled up in a tube and mailed to Pike, who had loved it. It hung in her stream room, now, which brought a slew of commissions and print purchases from his art cartel. He was about to share this room with someone else. But first, he needed a way to hide the audio equipment and ensure the computer is not accidentally turned on when his sister stays for the night.

He sat down at the computer and logged in. The group was already playing, though they knew he would be late, but the comments on the streams still all asked why he wasn’t there yet. That he had been originally listed on the tweet. False advertisement.

“Chats can relax, the Raven has landed,” Scanlan replied.

“Sorry, I had real world stuff to handle. How is everyone.”

“Oh, well, you know. Glad to be home again. I missed my bed,” Pike replied brightly.

“Tired, I did a lot of filming,” Scanlan answered.

“Holding back comments on that one,” Grog replied. “ Anything exciting in the land of Raven?”

“Sadly, no. Just working some projects.” He said to them but muted himself to the group. “Thank-you for the bits, guys. Yeah. Yeah, my projects are going okay. Nothing extreme.”

He watched his stream with his mods flagging certain comments that were against his rules, then looked back to the lobby.

“So, what version of this are we playing today,” he asked with his mic back on.

“Proximity chat,” Keyleth explained. “Which reminds me, you finally get to meet our old friends!”

Two voices greeted him and a well of anxiety hit Vax in that moment. But he swallowed it.

“Hey, sorry I missed the last one, but family duty called.”

“No sweat. Keyleth goes on about you quite a bit.”

“Do you really.”

“I, uh. Well, I mean you’re our friend and you’re really cool. And I think it’d be cool if you guys hung out more on these games. And, you know. Would help them slide back in.”

“I imagine my style of filming is a bit different than yours,” Allura replied sweetly. It made him laugh. “But I heard you like co-op open world games, so maybe we can get into Seven Days with each other.”

“I’d like that. Grog only ever wants to play FPS group games outside of these.”

“I like what I’m good at.”

“Death and destruction.”

The round started. It seemed as though it was going to be a quiet and dull night with little shenanigans, which was strange but nice. He had a streak going where there were barely any imposter rounds on him. One such game, he was listening to the vent when he watched as three people ran by, screaming. He chuckled as he heard them go from one ear to the other only to fade away again. He waited a moment, and sure enough, they ran back the other way, Keyleth chasing a screaming Scanlan and Pike. He was too busy laughing to notice Allura vent in, kill him, and leave again. When he did realize he was dead, he started laughing harder.

It was a good night.

_Bzzzzzz_

_Thing 2 (6:08am): I this pike?! [Link attached]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, thanks or the stop by. i know this one is a bit shorter than originally intended. Things are picking up. This one will be updated Mondays with _Discord_ updated every Thursday. =3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vax starts to explore who is is outside of the streaming in light of a panic attack.

_Breathe. Sweat. Fear.  
She knows.  
She’ll find out._

_Ignore. Withdraw. Invited.  
Pull away.  
Fear for self. Judgement._

_Mute.  
Record.  
Alone._

** Incoming Call: ScanMan **

“Raven, you actually answered,” Scanlan’s voice came through shocked.

“Yeah,” Vax replied, almost shocked at himself. 

He never answered the phone normally. Yet, it was someone who rarely called. Scanlan admitted to anyone who asked that he texted like a teenage girl. It was a fact they all laughed at, but for him, it was simply easier and faster to reply. It was most likely why he was the most prolific of all the members in the chat, outside of Gilmore who simply enjoyed egging on whatever random thought that Scanlan had jumped on in the moment. Yet, for all his joking and unabashed flirting, he was also a careful friend who paid far more attention than most gave him credit for. Though his online persona was nothing more than a rambunctious and scandalous individual who was quick with a song, a joke, or a racy comment. Vax himself had fallen into that belief until the small scare they all had when Grog was injured the year before and Pike was in a panic.

It seemed there was always more to people under the surface. Something he felt guilty for never considering in the face of other people.

“What’s up, bud,” Scanlan asked. “I saw that you’ve been at least have been posting but you went offline on us.”

Vax sucked in a deep breath and held it. He counted it out and waited to breathe again.

“My sister met Pike,” he explained. Scanlan gave him a moment to continue. “And she accidentally found her channel.”

“Ah,” was the response.

It confused him. The whole call did. No anger. No frustration. No judgement. Just acceptance of the logic. He exhaled.

“I was worried she would find me, and I panicked.”

“You shut down when you panic,” Scanlan offered. Vax made a pointed noise of disagreement.

“I obsess,” he admitted. “And it turns to rambling and not being sure. And I guess I didn’t want to drag all of you down that road with me.”

“Raven,” Scanlan sighed. Vax could see the way a grin pulled at his mouth with a tongue shoved into his cheek as he thought. There was a strange way tell he had when the impulsive mind was reeled back for the more appropriate statement. “You get that’s why we keep reaching out, yeah?”

Guilt his him as he looked at the days of unanswered messages.

“Are you actually afraid of her finding out, or are you worried she won’t fit well with everything?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Scanlan, you all know… more about me than she does now. My own twin. And I don’t know when it happened that I didn’t know how to trust her or feared she would not care but it happened. And I know it will hurt her if she finds out that all of you know so much more about everything. I feel terrible and wanted nothing more than to vent but everyone has their channels, and I can’t exactly do this on stream.”

“Raven,” Scanlan cut in gently but with humor. “I literally run a porn site. I think I could have found some time to not jerk off if you needed an ear to listen.”

And the dam broke. Not the tears, but the pent up, stressed giggle of someone who was cracking. Scanlan continued to describe, in great and graphic detail the different things he could have easily put off with the smile in his voice. All of it continued to prolong the giggle fit. It felt like steam released from a tea kettle as he slowly wound down.

“Do you feel better,” Scanlan asked finally.

“A bit,” he admitted. “I have no idea what to do still, but yes. The world is no longer ending.”

“We’re playing tonight, if you want to hop on.”

“Yeah,” he decided. “I think I will. Thanks.”

“Of course, buddy,” Scanlan said.

“Hey,” Vax slowly breathed out.

“Raven,” a few of the others greeted happily.

“That’s me. I’m about to start my own stream, so I may be quiet. I’m sure the internet is still annoyed with me.”

“The internet can get over it,” Pike huffed hotly. “You’re not overworking yourself, are you?”

“Just myself in circles. Don’t worry. Is Gilmore coming on today?”

“No, he has a few projects he needs to film as it’s almost convention season.”

“That’s why the only commodity I sell is my body,” Scanlan announced brightly. “After all, my existence is a gift.”

“Can I return it,” Vax joked as he logged in and his little bean joined the lobby.

Among Us was the easiest game to play for the group. It was simple. It was engaging. It was a sure way to get viewers. And it was also a good excuse to ignore chat when he had been gone for too long. If he played mostly crewmate, he would not be confident in people not spoiling in one chat or another. It was generally the rule among the group to not watch chat and to only thank the alerts that popped up on the screen instead. It was also easy to get lost in both the game itself and the additional roles that each person was in charge of. With the addition of Proximity Chat, it had largely become a way to hang out and hold conversations with people while also playing the bluff game. There was a perfect game to be a mix of hanging out and completing a mission like an in-person event, it would be this one.

When Vax first got into streaming, he had feared that playing one game repeatedly would grow stagnant and the views would filter out over time. However, there seemed to be a building lore and side community that had built itself around just Streamers and Among Us as a whole. While his group lacked much of the heavy attention that was often paid to the “famous” ones, he had noted the embarrassing amount of obsession between specific people and himself. He should have taken the hint from the Scanlan and Pike obsession that the world seemed fond of thanks to the unlikeliness of their bond as the risqué person and the near pious one. Now, there were times where Among Us was the fill-in streaming game of choice because no matter if live or as a VOD, it would be viewed and get attention.

High school him cringed at the idea of him following the pack and doing what was best accepted. But high school Vax also did not have rent and bills to pay, so he could keep his angsty views to himself.

“Hey Raven,” Pikes voice chirped as they ran around doing tasks at one point. “Can I?”

Vax knew she meant tell people about their adventure. He froze for a moment. Could she? Not that Vex watched the game plays. According to his sister, there was no enjoyment in watching people play games when she hardly enjoyed even playing them. Naturally, Vax felt a little stung, but he was also quick to rediscover the horror he felt all throughout high school and college that his sister hated video games. The topic was quickly derailed by that debate that night, but it was a hopeful nod to the fact that he would not be fount that way.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied. He also noted the pause when she to make sure he meant it.

As she explained with appropriate vagueness for the exact area and timeframes, Pike explained how the hero of her issues a few weeks before had, in fact, been the mysterious man known as Raven. And while she refuses to give any information on him, how he looks, or his life, she did confirm that he took all of her promotional pictures, drove her to the locations, and had even helped her with the social media struggles that came of everything. And she did confirm they had not taken any pictures of him or together while he was there. Kima, who had joined at that point had asked if they were planning on seeing each other again. Luckily, she prevented him from having to reply by killing him as Allura was killed by Pike and they both ran off.

He felt indignantly humored, to his chat’s delight. It was also a chance to look through at all that was said. And for a moment, he felt a seizing grasp at his chest. Not out of fear or shame, but something he had not been prepared for. Something he had somehow not noticed about the community the group had cultivated over time. A strong sense of understanding and support at his short mental break that he had needed. No one was mad, or no one his moderators had not flagged yet, and no one demanded an explanation.

He smiled, knowing they could not see him and thanked them all for their kindness, and apologized for not interacting with them more in chat, but promising that he was trying to read when not playing and that he appreciated everyone who was there and had not abandoned them. For a few moments, in between spying on the short breaks for the meetings. It was not a long round, as it seemed Pike and Kima were bloodthirsty. Indeed, there was one moment when Pike did not bother denying she was the killer, but instead played it up like they were all friends. She at least skipped her vote while joking that she would just vote herself off.

For the moment, at least, Vax felt normal. He had not realized how much he relied on these nights to relax and get out of his own mind. How the bordering inappropriate jokes from Grog and Scanlan were important.

A part of him was jealous of how relaxed he could be as the Raven. He did not look in the mirror that night or the following day. Maybe for a moment, he could forget he was something other than that self-aware entity.

_Texts. Emails. Partnerships and Sponsors.  
Meetings. Manager notes. Work on the books.  
Send in the rent.  
Feed the snake. Go on runs. Just breathe_

_Just **be**._

**The Shitzz**  
**Raven** Have you ever gone back and watched your old stuff?  
**Strongjaw** I have but I look at progress  
**Strongjaw** you mean your books though  
**Raven** No, actually. I hate the sound of my own voice and it’s torture enough to edit almost daily.  
**Raven** I mean like the streams and game stuff.  
**Strongjaw** Oh. I have it automatically save videos to twitch  
**Strongjaw** aint even watched the clips people post of us  
**Strongjaw** aint got that much of a following and too many daddy comments  
**BurtReynolds** your fault for being such a bear. Internet be thirsty.  
**Keke** Please never say daddy in reference to Grog please. I like not throwing up my smoothie.  
**Strongjaw** What’s that mean  
**Keke** Not saying you’re not fit and appeasing to look at, but. No. That’s just not my thing.  
**Raven** Well. This deteriorated.  
**Pike** I look back! Sometimes to see if there are things people suggest or there is a conversation a lot of people want more of for my update videos. And it’s nice to see how things change over time. Like a nice progress report.  
**Kima** I tried not to for a while because it was a lot of hate. That gay like though. Allura did because she thought it was important to look back to see what was said.  
**Kima** I said bullshit.  
**Allura** Kima.  
**Kima** Sorry.  
**Allura** Why are you asking, Raven. Feeling introspective?  
**Raven** Maybe.  
**Raven** Not so much what people watch for but more on what where I have been improving maybe.  
**Keke** I think that’s a good idea. Just a heads up, you were pretty awkward at first.  
**Keke** Coming from me.  
**Raven** Oh dear.  
**Pike** I thought it was sweet! You did join without any prior background to large audiences. And it happened all quickly.  
**Strongjaw** I mean it was very doofy  
**Pike** Grog.  
**Raven** No, it’s fine. And only fair. I am just not used to attention on that level. Or at all.  
**Pike** Oh, I call phooey on that. Mister. You are far too handsome to not get attention.  
**BurtReynolds** I knew he had to be!  
**Raven** Does this mean you will request more voice over jokes?  
**BurtReynolds** Yep.  
**Keke** Oh lord.

_Work. Push. Meetings. Edit.  
Book completed. Compile. Playlist posted.  
Social media. Email. Alerts.  
Stream. VOD.  
No commissions_

_Beach._

“Not that I am complaining, brother of mine,” Vex stated as they sat in the back of Percy’s truck. “But why the impromptu surf day?”

“Well, it came to my attention we haven’t gone in a while and I had free time.” He paused. “And to apologize for being a terrible brother at times.”

Vex paused in zipping up her wet suit to look across the bed of the truck at him with a frown. She watched him for a moment before dropping her arms down and crossing to him. Vax sighed and leaned over the wheel as his sister stopped in front of him, turned her back and lifted her braid. He moved on autopilot to zip it up for her, knowing that she had closed the distance because one of the best ways to disarm his walls was to be literally in his face. The issue with siblings.

“Why would I think you’re being a shitty brother,” she asked patiently. “I keep telling you I am worried. That is not a sign of an annoyed sister to me.”

“That is because you are very patient with me when I don’t deserve it,” he answered then swatted her hands away from her hair to undo and redo the braid. He spoke over her as she tried to object. “And I feel like maybe I need to start putting forth the effort to do more for and with you rather than just exist.”

“You need friends,” she pointed out harshly. 

He blinked and sighed.

“I _have_ friends, Vex. I have quite a few. They’re just… not in person friends.”

“Like the message boards you used to hound back in the day.”

“Stop it,” he warned with a smirk.

“What was it… Gaia? Neopets…”

“Stop,” he warned, biting back a laugh.

“Oh, Vampire Freaks, right?”

Vax pulled her hair, and she kicked his shin in retaliation. He started laughing and went back to separating the hair with his fingers as he went.

“No, but yes. They are all online and we talk a lot. I know many of them alongside Pike.”

“Oh, I started watching her videos more. She has such a chaotic life for someone so peaceful.”

Vax smirked but stayed quiet.

“I feel like you two should be together now that I have seen enough proof that she is single.”

“I am more than confident I am not her type.”

“Is her type Grog?”

“Oh, God no,” Vax laughed as he tied off her hair and flicked his wrist, so it bounced off her back. “Though she says people really wish it were. Or one of our other friends.”

“Well, I’m glad you have people to talk to at least. Even if it only proves what I say about you being all emo.”

“I am not emo,” he protested. “You wear black more than I do.”

“Black on a lady is sophisticated.”

“Oh, well I find a lady I will inform her of that. Move it or we’ll miss the open waves.”

They grabbed the two boards and their wax, prepped their boards then locked up the truck in silence. They both walked down the narrow and precariously constructed wooden stairs that wound along the uneven cliffside of the coast. It was between low and hightide, so there was plenty of walking space on the sand below and the walk into the water. Both paused to rub sand on the board and mentally braced for the coming bite of Pacific Ocean cold. He had started surfing in high school after the divorce. His mother was never a fan of water herself but Vex had dated someone who had always surfed. She got into it and eventually started dragging him as a way of escaping his own mind. The precursor to his love for the motorcycle, the sensation of rush and dropping onto the wave was something that gave him an adrenaline rush and almost a natural high.

It was also a great way to be isolated with someone he wanted to spend time with as they sat on their boards and waited for a new swell. Nothing but the sounds of the ocean and the world coming to live as the sun rose from behind their point of view. It was hard to feel the stress of the world when he was looking out into nothing but openness.

Surfing also meant prime access to the Brazilian restaurant they visited often for acai bowls and strong coffee. On a whim, he snapped a picture, careful to avoid any labeling or telling information and put it on Twitter and put his phone away.

“It’s been nice spending time with you, today,” Vex told him as they walked back along the boardwalk. “Even if there was nothing to really to update me on.”

“Well, maybe not that I am caught up we can do it more.”

“And shopping,” Vex decided as she went to steal a Yucca fry.

“No more shopping. You’re actually the worst. Get your own fries next time.”

“I think I like Pike better than you. Percy shops with me.”

“Percy holds your bags because he knows you are the boss of the relationship, that doesn’t count. I’m not trying to please you.”

“Fine, no shopping. What about a game when the season starts again?”

He wrinkled his nose.

“Earthquakes.”

“Oh, thank god.”

“Not the A’s. That…”

“Smelled…” he finished and they both snorted. “Baseball is for watching at home. _Maybe_ an Earthquakes game.”

“Fine.”

He smiled, honestly and openly for the first time in a while as himself. He pulled out his phone and his Twitter was still the last thing open. And a notice in the chat.

**The Shitzz**  
**Strongjaw** you broke the internet with a bowl of fruit shit

Vax blinked and his mind blanked. But then an idea came to him.

Raven @QouthTheRaven

> Q&A and art stream @1800pst.

_Test stream. Loading screen. Adjust. Adapt.  
Test again. Draw once more.  
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe._

_Live._

Four hours of drawing. 

Last minute choice of doing a charity auction on prints. 

Shift to bit donations for questions. 

Gilmore getting on a call to organize and read the questions for him.

A success. A new way to make content he could do well.

**DM: GloriousGilmore and QuothTheRaven**  
**GloriousGilmore** I have never heard you quite so happy.  
**QuothTheRaven** I don’t even feel tired. And thank-you for joining last minute.  
**GloriousGilmore** Oh, we were all lurking in chat. I just selfishly wanted to be part of your happiness.  
**QuothTheRaven** You usually are.

A new step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! As always, I thank you for the growing interest, the hits, kudos, and comments. This fic specifically has been great for teaching me how to return to a more "traditional" manner of writing after 20 chapters of mostly dialogue. So, I really do mean it when I say how much it means to me that y'all are here!
> 
> As always, check out my [Twitter for writing](https://twitter.com/alphapockets) and my less focused [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alphapockets) for updates on my writing here and elsewhere! <3!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are great until they're not.

_Music. Tea. Rare rainstorm.  
Midnight oil. Layers and brushes.  
Stroke. Stroke. Highlight. Blend.  
Save.  
Breathe._

It was strange to think that his art stream would host almost as much attention as his other endeavors would. Vax was ready to set up for another and had been messaging Gilmore about it ever since. The other man explained that it was most likely because it was the first time that he had posted something truly personal. That it had been a light into his own headspace and life. That despite all of the eye-opening discussions he had in their livestreams, he was opening a door that had otherwise stayed shut by his faceless profile. Art was a doorway. He had decided to do more of them after that, as well as some streams alone again. He had stopped doing those when he joined the group years ago. His art stream was a sign that maybe he alone was enough to keep followers rather than hoping others need him watered down.

Coffee was always one of his favorite drinks. But he also saw it as a slight resemblance of his life when days were tough. That people generally loved coffee, but they always needed to change the flavor or elements of it to make it to their taste. They needed to lighten him, make him sweeter, and erase that bitter sharpness that was simply part of him. It was why he had done well in groups. Not because he was overly social, though there was an element of that. No. it was because it was the bets way to get his interactions. In a crowd, he could meld into their personalities and adjust to how the masses want him to act. Alone, it was more difficult. He could not hide all of his edges and scuffs behind the others. 

Yet now he felt like maybe there was a chance that people could be around him and appreciate that side. Gilmore had agreed with the fact that the art streams and personal streams would be a good idea, but he had denied the rest adamantly. It had been momentarily embarrassing to hear how strongly he felt against it that the man had apologized for saying it at all. With Pike, the conversations always turned uplifting and supportive in a way that was pitted against his feelings. Keyleth and Scanlan were both loving but awkward in their support. It was often poorly timed jokes or nihilistic agreement in how life was terrible. Grog was one of his favorites to talk to when he was miserable. The man was not gentle, though Vax was fast learning Kima was the same, but rather just gave the comments right back. The first time he had stated he did not deserve the attention and Grog stated that he was right and was clearly terrible had caught Vax so off guard that he was startled out of the downward spiral.

Gilmore, however, just let him talk. He did not interrupt or tell him what was wrong with his thoughts. And when Vax had wound down, the man would simply offer support and guidance. But the last conversation stuck with him. It was the first time the man had done what others did regularly: divulge in how they saw him. It was almost embarrassing in a sweet way that had left him speechless for a moment. He figured that the best way to thank him for being that gentle reminder that some people will just listen was to do as he had suggested. And so, he was doing something that he had wanted to for a while regardless—a Pokémon randomizer. It was in the announcement list as part of the new celebration mark for his subscription count of 50,000. In the last year, he had not even a third of that and it had only steadily. The sudden jumps he was getting, however, made the idea of potential sub-goals in the future.

But that would wait because it was also Gilmore’s birthday and they were going on Google Meetings for an unstreamed video call.

**The Shitzz**  
**TheCube** Meeting tonight at 9cst yeah  
**Pike** Yes! I have Grog coming over, so we’ll be on one cam <3  
**Keke** Sounds great.  
**Keke** Omg is content house under way?!  
**Pike** Maybe!  
**Keke** Content house!  
**Pike** It is really exciting. We have a few possible places and everything.  
**Strongjaw** only complaint is people asking how many extra rooms we may need for a family.  
**TheCube** The world ships height difference  
**Pike** I can’t argue that truth, though.  
**Keke** Or if you’re just bad at talking, apparently.  
**Kima** I think people are just obsessed with redheads still in your case.  
**Kima** Also we’re good for tonight.  
**Raven** I’ll be a little late, but yes.

“Who joined the call,” Scanlan stated when the beep echoed. Vax smirked to himself.

“Just me hey guys,” he replied as his blank box appeared.

“Raven,” Gilmore purred happily. He leaned onto his hand and looked at the screen. “What kept you.”

“The usual,” he replied. “Having fun?”

“Oh, loads. I think we may switch over to Jackbox in a bit, but for now we are just here.”

“No one is live or recording right now, right?”

A chorus of noes came out.

“This won’t be for long but, I ah… figured this may be a nice birthday gift for our glorious Gilmore and maybe a nice way to celebrate the fact that I missed my 50k mark.”

“Oh, I am listening.”

Vax took a deep breath and settled his nerves. He had tested the camera a few times and made sure the light did not wash him out. It was set up and ready. He just had to click that button. But he was not sure why he was so nervous. A small breath and then he clicked his camera and saw his own face pop up into the block. It was weird to see his own room with the portraits and the artwork on the wall, the soft lighting, and himself with his black hair pulled up in a bun and the unsure expression on his face.

There was a pause as his screen buffered then…

“Raven!”

“Oh my God!”

“You look nothing like I expected!”

“Well, well…”

Vax offered a shy smile and waved at the camera. It was strange to see all their faces zoned in on their computers like that. He could see on each person where his name fell in the chat screen by their eyeline. But they were all smiling. Pike, specifically, looked proud.

“Not the most exciting gift, but that is more because what I have coming is still in the works.”

“I disagree,” Gilmore replied playfully. Vax blushed. “But no matter that, look at you. How much are you freaking out over this?”

“Oh, my heart is in my throat,” Vax replied with a laugh. “But it’s worth it.”

“You know,” Scanlan added brightly, “I appreciate that you’re faceless so my only competition as the hottest is Gilmore and most people just thirst for his hands.”

“Scanlan.”

“You’re a snack, Raven.”

“I already regret this.”

_Teasing. Flirting. Laughing.  
Fun.  
Feelings. Shock.  
Confusion.  
Run._

“Hey everyone, this is a bit late as you have passed that goal, but here we are. I am going to be doing a few full play throughs from here on out. Don’t expect anything too exciting, as I am not up and hip in the new games, but hey. There are plenty of emulators and I think I have this set up right, so let’s… find out.”

It was strange to not hear anyone else talking. Vax only had his screen up and could already see the comments pouring in about how they were hoping to have a cam or at least the CGI/ AR representation of him. He tried to ignore them at first until one of his mods reminded them that part of the rules stated not to pressure or ask about a face reveal. After a few people were warned and time outs were given, the chat died out from that topic. He loaded the rom and emulator on his screen and sighed in relief as the start screen had a Honedge next to Red rather than Charizard. The game started off standard, though, as he walked out of the house and headed up to the grass only to be stopped by…

“Oh my god,” Vax laughed as his chat blew up. “So, this is how it is going to go.”

Professor Oak was a bird. He made the right choice in this game.

He was about to finish the first gym when he noted that Gilmore hopped into his chat. Vax felt a swell of joy bubble in him as his friend interacted with his group chat. Comments were tossed back and forth, questions were asked, but the man not once mentioned what his birthday gift had been other than the fact that Raven had taken time out to play on his stream. It was relaxing. It was nice to have people he knew in his chat other than names who were most likely to gift subs or donate.

He hit 75, 000 that night with more than half the story left to go.

_Photoshoots. Lightroom. Edit.  
Curves. Levels. Hue.  
Layer. Mask. Blur.  
Adjust. Watermark. Publish._

_Sketch once. Sketch again. Lining layer.  
Color layer.  
Highlights. Shadows. Contrasts and balance.  
Adjust. Proportion. Try again. Save. Save.  
Check stream. Thanks again.  
Export._

“I’m telling you, that girl is watching you,” Vex teased as they stood in line at Phil’s. 

Vax had taken to ignoring the attention of people as there was always a small level of fear that it would be someone who was a fan. The idea of dating was almost horrifying, especially as the closest thing he had to a crush was on someone on the other side of the country and still had no idea what Vax’s real name was. Not exactly ideal way to start everything.

They were back in San Jose for a meeting with the family. Vex and Vax were procrastinating as they did best by getting coffee and snacks beforehand. They always blamed it on the traffic, but really it was a chance for them to collect themselves in the face of what they knew was going to be a migraine. Meeting with dad was always more stress than it was worth, especially with their half sister down the coast with her grandparents for the weekend. There were some days that he was sure father dearest did that on purpose. When their sister was home, the twins usually ignored him. With her gone, there was no way to avoid the inevitable conversations about family life, a future, and careers. Each were painful for them but Vex at least had what their father deemed a “respectable job” whereas he still considered Vax unemployed despite his self-sufficiency and obvious access to income. There was simply no pleasing the man.

“No matter how much you watch her, I am not going to turn around,” Vax murmured as they waited for their drinks at a high top.

“She’s cute. Just your type,” Vex offered.

“I don’t have a type,” he countered. Pretending not to imagine caramel skin.

“Fine, but she is cute.”

“No thanks.”

“It is almost like you enjoy being alone,” Vex sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Maybe I do. I just don’t have time to deal with getting to know people when I barely want to get out and see other people.” 

“Maybe online dating then. You know dad is going to mention it again.”

“And I will tell him the same thing I tell you. I am not looking for someone in my life right now. Just like I am not looking for a desk job in the city with a cubicle and a great view of a car park.”

“Suit yourself. She seems really interested.”

Father’s house was torture. Vex, for the first time, had received nothing but praise about her life. She had come in looking put together like a “proper adult should,” despite the twins being only 25. How she was settling into her life as a professional with her career path laid out and her boyfriend, who was also a professional with a decent family from the area. It was nice for Vax to watch, as his sister had never had that much support from the man, despite her being daddy’s little girl originally. Throughout high school and the early years of his new marriage, their father had been dismissive toward the older daughter. His “new” family had replaced them all, and it was not hard to see that. Yet, for once it looked as though she was getting the love and affection she deserved.

Vax, on the other hand, was told he looked unprofessional, needed a haircut, and that he was still not working a proper job. He had not seen any of his work since the senior showcase and art exhibit. Their dad had finally brought up this romantic life. Vax had taken out his phone at the time and had been messaging the group when the older man finally asked why he had no desire to go out and find a future wife. A growl came from his throat and Vax finally snapped.

“Maybe because right now I am working on a future boyfriend.”

He stopped and noted the silence that had filled the room. A few seconds passed before he stood and left, leaving the door to the house slamming behind him as he went. His jacket was on, but he got to the bike and noticed a flaw in his escape while the blood was pounding in his ears. He turned and looked up the road he had practically ran down to see his sister with his helmet in hand and following at a similar pace. His face was on fire when she slowed to a walk and handed it with his gloves tucked carefully inside.

“How long,” she asked as he took it.

“Since high school. I was never that secretive about it, I’m sure.”

“Why did you never tell me?”

“Vex,” he sighed and leaned against his bike. His sister waited then did the same, standing next to him.

“You act as though I’m not bisexual to, you idiot.” Vax snorted at her. “If it makes you feel better, at least this way dad won’t try and force you down here until he recovers.”

“Did he say anything?”

“Not sure. I followed you immediately instead. Figured you needed me more than he did in that moment. Want to tell me about him?”

"In time. I just…”

“Need to breathe?”

“Yeah.”

Silence fell for a moment between them. Cars passed. The city raged on. It was rarely quiet here, and he remembered why he had moved away.

“I’ll beat him up if he hurts you.”

“Vex, you can barely carry your groceries up the stairs.”

He laughed, however. It felt good. For her to know. Maybe even for dad. To be accepted. To feel foolish a bit from the panic and worry. He smiled and dropped his head on hers. The city screamed by, but they were in their own world for the time being.

_RAVEN FACE REVEAL?! Could this stranger be The Raven, faceless content creator and streamer?!_

**The Shitzz**  
**Pike** Raven?  
**Keke** Are you okay?  
**Grog** @GloriousGilmore have you heard from him?  
**GloriousGilmore** Not yet.

Pike T. @PikeTrickfoot

>   
>  Stream is canceled for tonight and tomorrow night. To the people who have breached privacy, shame on you.

Keyleth’s Corner @VoiceofTempest

>   
>  Respect the silence right now. Tonight’s stream has been canceled. 

_Unknown Number (4:09pm): Pike, It’s Vex. My brother gave me your number a while ago in case I was out toward you. He is not answering his phone and is not home. Have you heard him today?  
Pike (4:20pm): On dear. I have not. If I do, I will let you know.  
Vex (4:421pm): Do you know what happened?  
Pike (4:40pm): Yes. But it is not my place to say. He may be delicate.  
Vex (4:43pm): Okay. Should I be worried?  
Pike (4:45pm): Honestly? Yes. But we are all looking.  
Vex (4:47pm): We?  
Pike (4:49pm): Our friend group. I’ll let you know._

_Broken mirror. Shattered glass.  
Bleeding fist.  
Throbbing head. Throbbing heart.  
Blocked accounts. Muted alerts.  
Missed calls.  
3 missed messages. 13 missed messages._

_Incoming Call_

“Raven,” Gilmore’s voice gasped when Vax picked up.

“Stay with me tonight online?”

“Can I do you one better,” Gilmore breathed into the phone in relief. “Pick me up at SJS tomorrow at 11, as well and it's a deal. I panicked and bought a ticket.”

Vax swallowed wetly and nodded with a shudder and a sigh.

“I can do that. Dress warm. It’s getting chilly here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all! Thanks as always for being here. It is almost the end of the months and I am lowkey in a stress panic of excitement because it is almost time. But thank you for the reads, comments, and kudos! You all are literally the best and I continuously am blown away by your support. THINGS ARE HAPPENING! Finally.  
> <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilmore in California and Vex finally has her heart to heart.

_Alarm. Mute. Alarm, Mute.  
Ignore. Ignore. So hot.  
Show more.  
Where have you gone?_

_Alarm. Alarm. Get dressed.  
Turn over the truck. Time to go._

It had only been to only a few hours since he had decided to continue his work as a content creator in a week, but it was exhausting. Vax had woken up to a literal thousands of messages and tags from people on Twitter. He had nearly deleted the app entirely after seeing how many people were obsessing over how he looked and the comments about why he would hide his face if he were that beautiful. It was uncomfortable for him to have that attention, and worse, he lived too close to several major cities. He knew people would notice him if they saw him, though maybe not as bad in Cupertino or Sunnyvale. The only reason he was leaving the limiting town he lived in was the fact that Gilmore was on the way to San Jose as he climbed into the truck.

He had told the other man his real name in a message and asked him to use it as there would probably be a time or two when they’d be in public. Gilmore had treated it with its due significance. One that Vax had not consciously realized himself. He was allowing someone who was not Pike in behind his walls. Since the two days Pike spent in his house, the woman had taken to calling him by his real name outside of the main chat but referring to him as Raven dutifully elsewhere. He knew that it was a conscious and difficult effort. One he appreciated greatly as he knew that it took a lot of practice to remember what names to use at what time. Not calling his own mother “mom” while in elementary school was proof of that when she was the school nurse and health teacher, after all.

He was at arrivals gate and drove around twice before he saw the taller, full form of Gilmore with his small suitcase and a carryon at his side. He looked too comfortable in the autumn chill. His long hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and he was yawning with his head looking around. Vax pulled close and gave a small beep, catching his attention. The man had told him what to look for, but he still leaned back to catch the eyes of his friend, who smiled warmly as recognition hit him.

“Vax,” the man greeted when he climbed into the truck. “No desire to balance this all on your bike?”

“I’d rather not spoil us meeting by scattering your delicates across the highway.”

The richness of his laugh made Vax’s heart clench for a moment and a soft smile cross his lips. The pang of everything that happened was still there. But he made it easier. The knowledge that he was not going through it alone was a balm the man had not known he needed. Vax put his sunglasses back on and pulled out of the loading zone and headed back west once more away from the city.

**The Shitzz**  
**GloriousGilmore** I have been informed that my idea of ramen is wrong and insulting.  
**Pike** Oh dear. Is that why you aren’t online yet?  
**GloriousGilmore** Indeed. I am now in the middle of what I think is a small shopping center. He won’t even allow me to order my own meal.  
**Pike** That’s what happened when we got falafel when I was there. Just trust him.  
**GloriousGilmore** I always do.

**Gilmore’s Glorious Goods** @GloriousGilmore

> [Image Attached]  
>  Traditional ramen is a great way to start my time in sunny California. #friendcation

_Thing 2 (3:22pm): What do you mean you have a guest out of no where? Is it Pike again?  
Thing 2 (3:24pm): I swear to god if you are using this to ignore what is going on I will go there myself and beat sense into you.  
Thing 1 (3:44pm): I promise I do actually have someone over. And it’s not Pike.  
Thing 2 (3:50pm): Do I get any hints?  
Thing 1 (3:53pm): Shouldn’t you be working?_

“So, you’ve decided to stay, then,” Gilmore asked as they left the kitchen. He had a glass of wine in his hand. 

“I believe so, yeah.” Vax sighed and opened his own beer and followed.

There was a strange sense of jealous that Vax held for Gilmore now that they were next to each other. A strong command of presence and a clear idea of who he was. The man from his channel was no different than the man off the screen. Well, not entirely true. The playfulness and less professional demeanor from the chats online remained. But the man was who he presented himself as, and it was alarming. It was awe-inspiring. And it was attractive as hell. He had been aware of his slight distance crush on the other man for some time, as he was endearing and highly charismatic. There had been tense flirting between the pair on streams and in the group chat, but now that the man was physically here, Vax was out of his element. He felt like a middle school child with his first crush all over, and it was disorienting.

Gilmore, however, had bustled into his life with no issue and almost slipped in too easily. As easy as Pike had, in fact. It spoke sharply to the fact that there was a difference between who he pretended to be and who he was online. Whatever they say in his actions made it seamless for them to slide into his home.

“I am staying faceless, though, I think. As I did not have a face reveal on my own terms and I don’t want to just allow them to change who I was as a creator.”

The smile he got in return was private and devastating. His chest fluttered.

“I like that take on it,” Gilmore replied as he settled on the couch. Vax joined him. “I am glad you’re not giving up your agency simply because people tried to take it from you. You are no less valuable if you stay private.”

“I have a feeling I will lose a lot of followers for this.”

“Does that matter?”

Vax’s knee jerk reaction was to say yes, which is why he did not. There was a moment he took to reflect on it first. What was the importance of followers? He knew the obvious answer was income monetization. The more followers he had, the easier it was to make his money and to continue working as he did. That with their support and their subscriptions, he was able to live as he did in a very expensive location. But he also realized it was those exact types of followers who would be unreasonable about the incident are the same ones who had released his image without permission. That those fans were not people he should be willing to keep. All the same, he knew that there was a sense of duty that came from being online—that the people felt they were owed their entire existence because they were a public figure.

It was an element that he had not thought of before he had gotten into the life that he had. Of course, as a fan of numerous content creators beforehand, he had heard of the struggles that happen. The horror stories that came from bad or obsessive fans. From antis who sent hate and harmless messages. The people who harassed those they were with or those close. He had known of all this, yet he had joined it nonetheless, though accidentally. But he had a duty to those in his fanbase who were more sensitive, as well. And maybe it was time to cultivate a fanbase rather than just let it exist.

“Not entirely, I guess. I have spent so long looking at my numbers and analytics that I almost forget that I have that whole… world to escape the fact that I can’t be me elsewhere.” Vax sighed and dropped his head back against the cushions. “If people leave then they were not here for the content I suppose. You have a point there.”

“I’m glad you think so. I’m also highly selfish in wanting you to stay, of course.”

“Are you now,” Vax asked, not lifting his head from the back of the couch.

“I have grown attached to you and you leaving everything suddenly would be terrible.”

That made him lift his head, however.

“How so,” Vax asked carefully.

“I am sure you have noticed by now that I am rather fond of you, Vax. Allura and Kima were why I joined the group and will always be my favorite, but once you warmed up to us/”

Vax felt his face heating up and he turned to face the other man slightly on the couch, beer forgotten.

“I do have to admit, I am only human, and your face was icing on the cake, but I thought you could tell. Or you at least always flirted back.” 

Vax knew he was blushing now, and his mouth opened and closed.

“Darling,” Gilmore asked, now sounding concerned. “If I over stepped…”

“Wait,” Vax said in a panic then coughed. “Just had a mild bi panic there.”

“Oh,” Gilmore supplied awkwardly.

“In a good way,” Vax rushed to clarify with a soft chuckle. “Just…”

“Unexpected,” Gilmore offered.

“Completely.”

“In all fairness, I had no intention of more than informing you as it felt unfair to be here and you not know.”

Vax swallowed around the lump in his throat, well aware that half of this desire to test the water was the already manic mentality the internet issues had sent him into. But he also knew this felt like on e of those moments that was do now or regret when he had left for home again.

“And now that you know I don’t mind?”

Vax leaned forward with a moment of hesitation. Gilmore pulled away only long enough to set the wine glass down carefully with a glint in his eyes. He leaned forward himself now and Vax felt the laugh puff warm on his lips. Which was naturally when the solid knocks of his sister would echo through the otherwise quiet apartment. Vax groaned in annoyance and dropped his head on Gilmore’s shoulder, who snorted in humor.

“Any possibility that will go away,” Gilmore asked.

“Sadly know, that would be the twin who knows you are here.” Vax leaned back as Vex came through the door with her spare key and a greeting. “Nice of you to wait for me, sister, dear.”

“Well, I texted you three times on the way and you ignored me.”

Vax felt Gilmore’s finger twist through his hair at the same time Vex made her way into the living room. She paused and let her eyes move from her brother to the man with him, and finally to the finger wrapped in his dark locks. Her eyebrows twitched a bit in shock then she fixed her expression with one of smug content.

“What the fuck are you holding,” Vax made no motion to move, but ducked his head around to catch sight of the bag she held.

“Stuff for you to try, if you’d look at your phone.”

“It’s in my room charging,” Vax replied. “Try how?”

“Stress baking,” she informed in and placed the bag on the coffee table with a clink. “Hi, I am Vex.”

“I’m Gilmore,” the older man replied and stood to greet her with a handshake. “Vax talks often of you.”

“Pike said otherwise,” Vex shot at Vax . “Sorry, you probably don’t know her.”

“Oh, no, I do. I know her quite well, in fact. Our circles have connected. I believe Vax and I simply talk about other things in private than they do.”

“At least there is that. Do you have any food allergies?”

“None that I know of.”

Vax knew he had lost control of yet another first day with a friend coming to see him in person thanks to his sister. Yet an hour in, this one felt less painful to watch them stand in his kitchen with a glass of wine each with a pastry in hand. He had stepped into his room to feed Simon and stepped out to hear a hushed conversation between the pair and saw them standing side by side with their backs to the counter.

“Is he okay,” Vex whispered. Vax swallowed and felt a pang of guilt.

“No,” Gilmore answered honestly. “But he is getting there.”

“Does he…”

“Vex, no,” Gilmore hissed. Vax heard the base of the glass touch the counter. “He wants to tell you these things. He doesn’t not like you for any reason. I feel like he just struggles knowing that you won’t judge him.”

“Why,” she sighed.

“It’s hard to be yourself. I know that all too well.”

Vax knew he had heard too much at that point. The man softly knocked on the door frame. They both started and looked over. Vex flushed with embarrassment. Gilmore met his eyes and pushed off the counter and excused himself. As he passed, the man brushed Vax’s hair behind his ear and offered a smile then left him. Vax took the other man’s place and took his beer that had been left there to condensate. Silence hung for a moment and he sighed.

“I am sorry, Vex,” Vax offered. “I should have…”

“Don’t. Apologize, please. Just as long as you have people watching you that you can trust…”

“That’s,” Vax cut himself off sharply and sighed out of his nose. “I love you so much, Vex. I just haven’t known what the point was or why I was continuing on as I had. I didn’t know who I was outside of what everyone thought I was, and I didn’t know how to bring it up. For so long, I was your rock and your pillar, and I was so… pointlessly concerned that me not being strong would be bad for you. Or you’d…”

He was cut off by his sister pulling him into a hug.

“I would have been there no matter what, Vax. For years I have been waiting to know what was wrong. Or how to help. But you would always pretend to be okay and push everyone away and I just didn’t know why you were cutting me out.”

Vax gripped her around the waist and finally snapped. The frustration of years lying to himself that he was okay. That everything was fine. The stress of never making enough money and living in California. The long nights at the bar. The double shifts for weeks on end. The internet. Being closeted in his real life. It all crashed in that moment and his hands gripped her hair and shirt tight. His shoulders shook and she held him there.

“I’ll do better, I swear,” he coughed out through the sobs. 

“You aren’t doing anything wrong.”

“I have depression. Probably anxiety,” Vex just hushed him gently. “I have been trying to get better at being open, but I still struggle. I’m trying.”

Vax continued to repeat that in his sister’s arms that he was trying. He was not aware that Gilmore was standing on the other side of the door frame, texting the others that Vax would be okay.

That night, he laid in bed with his head and eyes still hurting from crying. There was a warm body pressed against him and a strong arm around his waist. Their faces were lit by the screen of Vax’s phone as he opened the texts from Vex finally. She had left an hour before, but all of the tension had destroyed by everything that happened in the night, so they were there in sleep pants and Vax with a tank top on.

“Sadly, I left my booty shorts with ‘Juicy’ across the ass,” he had said with a smirk when he got changed. Vax had choked on his water.

Now, his thumb hovered with a copied link to his first video on the clipboard. Gilmore’s hand gently rubbed his side for comfort.

“Now or never,” Vax muttered to himself.

He a link to his first clipped video of that very first stream and one to his first audio book. Gilmore took his phone from his hand and put it on the far side of the bed and pulled him in. Vax buried himself into the man’s chest as Gilmore took his own phone out again.

**The Shitzz**  
**GloriousGilmore** Raven has told his sister.  
**GloriousGilmore** We will be streaming again.  
**Keke** Send our love.  
**Pike** So proud of you, Raven!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I am really glad that this fic has picked up traction more and more. Honestly, I love Critters so much and you all give me life! Last month was a bit crazy for me and this one will be just as nutty as it is my last set of finals. But as always, I am so, so glad you are here. The comments and kudos and hits are everything to me.
> 
> Exciting news, my Patreon has been released for all my not-fic stuff. I have everyone who has read my stuff in the last 5 months for the confidence to even try to do more with my writing projects that have sat forgotten and unloved. So, thank you. The free content option, as stated last week, is available on here for y'all, too. So, Thank-you. Love you all.  
> xoxo Pockets


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vex sees a side of her brother she never knew was there.

“Hey everyone, I have someone who may be good for this game if you don’t mind me adding him in?” The raspier female’s voice asked. She was not the one on camera but a different one.

The group all assented or hummed in agreement. It was a long pause before the pop of a person joining a voice chat. The rest waited patiently until another person appeared in the game. It was a strange game. Glitchy with the mechanics jumpy and the graphics almost akin to old PlayStation games. It was also gruesome to the point of comedic with slime and sinew strewn everywhere. There was something delightful in how disgusting it was, which was part of why they played that at the moment. None seemed in the mood for Apex or Siege after the last blow out between Tibs and Scanlan.

“Hello,” the voice tested. The accent was rich and voice on the deeper end of the spectrum. There was a soft laugh that betrayed how unsure he felt.”

“This is my friend. He goes by the Raven.”

“Hi,” the girl on the screen said brightly. “I’m Pike. I sort of set up the lobbies. How do you know Keyleth?”

“Well, she found some of the stuff I do and reached out about promoting my stuff and…yeah.”

“He does narration and audiobooks,” Keyleth filled in as she waved an arm around in Pike’s face. “He does the editing and additional sound design as well. It’s incredible. I listened to his stuff for a while and wanted to warn him I may send an army over to listen.”

“I think you mentioned him before,” one of the other voices, masculine this time, stated. “You stream, too?”

“I used to a bit but… not so much now that I work so much, and all my spare time goes to the channel and other things.”

“I don’t accept that,” the same man said.

“Scanlan,” Pike scolded.

“He has to play with us here and there. All work and no play makes Raven a very tired boy.”

The voice of Raven gave off another unsure laugh.

“I guess I can give that much.”

“Excellent, now let me give you a hand with that,” Scanlan said as he ran after Raven’s character with an arm and wrist flopping around unnaturally.

“Can… Oh. Hey okay, I see my sound channels. This is… Keyleth why am I doing all of this,” Raven whined in the next video.

“You’re doing great.”

“Are you recording this?”

“It’ll be funny someday,” Keyleth replied with a soft laugh. Raven scoffed. 

“You’re lucky you’re cute. Now, how does it sound?”  
“You’re fine, Raven. You sound great, the balance is good. Your graphics are excellent. Who made these?”

“I… did.”

For three chapters, the story passed smoothly. The gentle accent and soft rumble of his voice. The inflections and adjustments to the various characters almost effortless in comparison to the first few chapters and especially the first book. He had edited the sound effect with better blending. The swell of music not too loud with the crescendo over the spoken word. It was hard to believe for almost an hour, the man had read a book that was not overly enthralling or well liked. It was second nature to click to the next video immediately.

“Raven, what’s that count say now,” Scanlan asked when they started the 25k stream for the Raven.

“Almost thirty now,” Raven laughed. “I don’t… I can’t really understand how…”

“We also can’t hear you, Raven dear,” the smooth voice of Gilmore purred. “Why don’t you raise your mic volume on Discord.”

“Ah, fuck.”

“Heard that,” Keyleth laughed.

“You never mention her,” Gro pointed out. His voice stood out among the others who were usually more proper and crisper.

“She’s,” Raven paused and sighed. “A lot. In a good way, I swear. Nags all the time but I love it. We were out on a ride for most of it and never got to the shopping she wanted. Better for me, really.”

“I wish I had a sibling I was close to,” Pike sighed. “I have Grog, though.”

“Damn right you do.”

There was a long pause before raven replied again.

“I’d be lost without her. Some days it feels like she’s moved on past me like all our friends. I fear she’s going on in a way I can’t follow her.”

It was the first of many streams cut short on multiple ends from a panic attack. The last logged on was Pike, who held the stream lobby. But she had vanished from the chair and only reappeared to shut down her stream and the game.

“What is my… sexuality. Oh, Ah, ha. I am.. I…”

“You don’t have to answer,” Keyleth reminded him sweetly. The shuddering sigh came out.

“I’m bisexual,” Raven stated then laughed. “I’ve never said that out loud.”

“I’m sorry I have been… gone. For a bit. Thank-you for everyone who stayed with me since. I have… Well. I have depression. It’s severe at times and I felt… like I was in a dark place.”

The avatar of Raven’s character stopped moving on the screen.

“I’ve never really talked about with… with… anyone.”

A stream of comments on his chat flew by. In support. In understanding. There was a wet laughter in the screen and a sniffle. More than anything was the message that they were going nowhere.

_”Sorry, guys. I have… It’s been a bad week."_

_A bad week.  
A bad day.  
Hit a low.  
Low.  
I’ll be fine, I promise._

Dawn had come to Bay Area, California. But rest never found Vex, who had sat with her back to the headboard and Airpod in her ear as she watched dozens of videos from QuothTheRaven. Hearing her brother’s heart rip open again and again. Realizing she knew nothing of the man he was behind the smile and façade.

She followed his social media pages. Set up a Twitch account and prepared. He had missed so much, but there was a notice they’d be playing again. This time, she should be there to support him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this week but I wanted one dedicated to Vex's POV for a moment. Next week is going to be the penultimate chapter. Thank you for the love for me and this fic! You all mean the world to me <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next stream and the admissions finally happen.

_Set. Test. Volume. Reverb. Levels.  
Computer one. Computer two.  
Increase bandwidth. Lower graphics.  
Turn on the fan. Extra heat. Extra body. Company.  
Companion._

_Stress. Cup of tea. Two cups.  
Go for a walk. Go on a run.  
No message. No reply.  
Silence.  
Silence.  
silence_

“It’ll be okay,” his voice whispered into the forest.

No reply came. Not from the wilderness. Not from his twin.

The sun rose on the high and the morning fog slowly dissipated with the rising temperature. It was a stunning view on his porch that morning. It was every morning, but today the isolation felt more comforting than suffocating. No one knew his name in the town. No one knew who he was other than the boy who went on runs every morning and who worked at the corner bar now and again. The anonymous life he had craved online was once again discovered in his place among the trees and foothills. It was peaceful. It was everything he had hoped for when he made the move away from the city. Just another thing he circled back to over and over now that his truth was out. The isolation hid the fact that now he was terrified of what his sister saw when she looked at his face. When she looked in the mirror.

There had been no response from her that night or that morning. He had gone on his run as always before dawn and returned to a blank phone. Gilmore had taken him to the coast for breakfast at the Brazilian place he liked by the boardwalk. Still, the phone only showed emails and alerts from the group chat. He tried not to feel any way about it specifically. It was logical. It was understandable. He had hidden something from her for so long despite being against the idea of secrecy. This had been something she should have been told about, yet now she knew of two years that he kept locked away. Of all that he had actually thought. And all that he had never said to anyone in person. Vax looked out at the trees while the music Gilmore played inside the apartment drifted through the window.

This time next week, Gilmore would be back on the East Coast and he would be alone again. Alone as always. And that was fine. He had survived like that before. Continuously. So, why was it so hard to do that now?

His phone still did not blink. No matter. They were streaming tonight. The party had made their choice. Everyone, excluding Gilmore who was streaming on his laptop, would be business as usual. They had all preloaded the keywords that would trigger the automatic bot warning so the mods could keep track of troublemakers. Some words were set to auto-ban and others simply a flag. It was not a perfect system and there were ways to get around the words and phrases, but it was better than nothing. He would not show his face until he was ready, and that was the decided path of the next few months.

**The Shitzz**  
**ScanTheMan:** What game tonight daddies?  
**Keke:** Don’t Starve Together?  
**Kima:** I haven’t played that in ages.  
**ScanTheMan:** Can’t deny her majesty.  
**Keke:** Raven are you sure about this, still?  
**Pike:** yeah, please don’t push yourself if you don’t need to.  
**Raven:** I’m sure.  
**Grog:** Fuk yeah he is  
**Grog:** Cant let them just boss you around. This is the right idea  
**Raven:** Thanks, big man.

_Loading screen. Pre-stream. Video. Music.  
Art time lapse. Mods are on.  
People in chat.  
Blocked. Blocked. Banned. Flagged. Flagged.  
It is going to be a long stream._

“Oh, hey who is everyone picking,” Vax asked as he minimized the chat.

It had been up for a short period of time and he felt overwhelmed by the discourse. A lot of questions that were thrown at him. At his mods. They all prepared for it, but that did not make it easier. The idea had been tossed around by Pike to have them all turn off their cameras, but Scanlan and Vax both agreed that it would be a bit much to change things if the purpose was to show that their invasion of privacy would not force their hand to change anything. They decided the best way to handle it all was to remove the toxic people and not let their lives change for them. He appreciated it. The fact that they all accepted that the video call was without camera for Vax and Gilmore earlier in the day.

“I was thinking of using Winona,” Gilmore replied, and a few laughed. “She’s useful and fun.”

“I am playing Wigfrid,” Grog stated. “Give me all the meat, guys.”

“Webber,” Scanlan stated as Pike claimed Wickerbottom.

With Wilbur and Wendy taken next, Vax decided to stick with the old faithful Wilson. This was a game he had played a few times with his sister over the years, though she was not a fan of games to the extent he was. He had played it a lot on his own until recently when Keyleth had gotten back into it. It was their first time playing together, which was going to be a nightmare for the server, but it was a break from what they always played. No 7 Days to Die, no Among Us. It was a breath of fresh air.

They ran through the map to find the Pig King with Scanlan and Allura running off and then running back with bees and monsters chasing them. The chat stayed minimized as they made it through the beginning of winter when the first person died, which led to Grog haunting Pike as she tried to lead him back to their body while he made Halloween ghost noises and circled her character. Vax had put berries in the bird traps. He pulled up his chat as he waited and noticed a name had been flagged a few times for using some of the trigger words. Yet, this person had been arguing against people who had skirted around the ban triggers. He messaged his mods to push the person back through and Nevermore92 immediately went back at telling people off for their comments.

“You okay, buddy,” Scanlan asked.

Vax realized he had been standing still and it was getting dark. He collected the birds and put more berries down. He then looked at the chat again and noticed a habit in Nevermore’s typing pattern. He leaned over to the side and looked at his texts with his sister then back at the rampage that had lessened now that the Mods caught up with the flags on the chat. Now that she was pleasantly chatting in that familiar pattern. Teasing. Sentences slowly finished through multiple messages. Far too few emojis for the level of sarcasm they were using. He swallowed and looked back to the game. More birds. More food for the fridge. More preparation for the winter that was quickly coming on.

“Fire is dying! Fire is dying!” Scanlan called as he ran toward the light and aware from the shadows.

The sounds of the wolves howled, and they prepared to start fighting the wolves while Scanlan and Kima tries to stoke the fire. The creepy music started, and he noticed eyes glowing here and there.

“Guys,” he laughed. “Anyone have a flower crown? I’m losing my sanity.”

“I’m losing my religion,” Scanlan started to sing as Vax groaned and the others laughed.

Vax’s phone buzzed and his heart sped up. Nevermore was still in chat, but there on his screen was a message from his sister:

_Your friends are losers._

“Fuck,” he sighed. When everyone immediately jumped on, he laughed sourly and looked over at Gilmore, who was watching him back from the other desk. “The twin has caught me.”

Nevermore92: Hey Scrawny <3

He laughed and sighed. “Hey Stubby.”

Thankfully, his chat had blown up to talk to her. His main moderator Jarret awarded her the Mod position as well, so she could handle things. He got another text from her saying they needed to talk after the stream. Vax did not bother stating that was true, but simply let it stand. She knew his silence was agreement for that. And there were more important things at hand—the wolves were still coming, and Pike had given him a flower crown.

“Add her in here,” Scanlan whined. “She’s just going to bully you.”

“She isn’t going to bully me,” Vax laughed and pushed back in his chair. “What if Gilmore stays on while I talk to her and you can bother him with your mother henning.”

“No.”

“Yes,” Pike snapped over Scanlan. The man rolled his eyes. “We’ll be here if you need us.”

Gilmore slid into the chair Vax left. The older man took the headphones off Vax’s shoulders and pressed a soft kiss to Vax’s forehead. It was gentle and sweet. And got a lot of coos from the headset that became muted when they fell over his ears. He grabbed his phone from the desk and headed into the living room. The lights in the apartment front windows told him she had already arrived. His anxiety was kicking in already. The man’s thumb tucked into his fist and he squeezed gently for comfort as he opened the door. Vex breezed in and tossed her bag to the ground. Then her arms were wrapped around him firmly and she squeezed.

He stood frozen with his arms pinned uselessly to his sides as he just accepted the hug and tried to breathe. All of the apologies were now lost on the tip of the tongue. His sister just held him close. When a minute passed, he finally pulled her attention to the fact that they were still right by the door. Vex laughed now, and it was wet and hollow sounding. He looked down to see his sister had been crying. His heart clenched and he pulled her in this time and sighed.

“I didn’t know,” she told him. “Any of it. Why couldn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how to,” he finally admitted. “I wanted you to think I was okay because you were. And I knew if something were holding me back, you would hold yourself back for me. And I wanted you to succeed.”

“Vax,” she sighed and headbutted his shoulder a few times. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do everything alone.”

“I know,” he replied in a small voice. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I swear it. I just have felt so lost with it all. And when I found something I knew how to do and do well, I felt like it was embarrassing for you or for our father. Because I couldn’t find an adult job like he always wanted or like you had. All I could hear was how I could not measure up despite how… well I was doing. I was embarrassed but also not sure if you would be angry or…”

“Stop. Stop, stop, stop. You have been doing essentially two businesses on your own without anyone noticing. You are making enough to live alone in the Bay Area. That’s not nothing.” Vax blushed slightly. “You’re doing so much, Vax. So, so much.”

“I know but…”

“But nothing. Vax. I am proud of you. Does it hurt? Yes. Of course, it sucked to know that you didn’t reach out. It sucks that I didn’t know such a big thing. But you are doing… amazing things. You have channels. You have… a stream with _thousands_ of followers. You have a business in your field…”

“Vex…”

“And that’s amazing. You have found a place to open up about your depression. Your bisexuality. You have made jumps at least in one direction.”

“I know…”

“And I am so proud of that. Of you.”

He walked her to the living room, and they sat down. Both had wet eyes in that moment. He looked at her with an apologetic look. It had been a while since they both had their lives out there for each other. It felt painful. It felt raw. But it felt good. He took his sisters hand and sighed.

“From here on out,” he told her. “I will keep you as part of my life. All of it. I won’t let you go far from me.”

Vex smiled and wiped her face.

“And what about your channel?”

“I’ll keep doing it. In my own time, maybe I’ll be a public face. But I like where I am at right now. And I think I’ll move forward when I am ready.”

“I’ll be there. As you friend, sister, and mod.”

Vax smiled weakly and sniffled.

“Quoeth the Raven…”

“Nevermore."


	8. Epilogue

_Maybe a break. A long break. No break.  
Streams. Games. Laughter.  
Work. Art. Work.  
Love._

_New cameras. New topics.  
Meeting.  
Managers.  
New Plans. New Direction.  
A new life._

_A new life._

A new…

“Oh my god, Vax get over here.”

Vax groan and flipped off Scanlan as he walked into the room. The man laughed and took a swig from his drink. He had shown up at the dubbed “Content Haus” that had become his new three-bedroom apartment. The Content House™ that belonged to Pike and Grog had started two months earlier with the remodeling underway for the garage to be an official workout place for their channels. Keyleth had decided to make the move to California her home in Kansas when Pike announced they got the four-bedroom, two-story house after all. Scanlan, who lived in Las Vegas, had joined the road trip halfway to help her move in, sparking one of the wildest months for the group as a whole. Between the massive collaboration videos that were still rolling out over the weeks to the relationship that was announced between Pike and Scanlan, life had become wild. He now was there acting as the self-proclaimed expert on making the prettiest of boys find their perfect angle.

Because it was time.

Gilmore had left months ago for home again, but not for long. In that time, Vax and Vex had worked on their relationship as family. Percy had taken time out of his own life to get to know the man on his awkward terms. Vex joined the group chat, and eventually so did Percy and his sister Cassandra. Cassandra started streaming next and through the comfort and support of Allura and Keyleth found her way to be both elegantly poised and ruthless to the men who often creeped on her channel. She gained her popularity by roasting inappropriate people in chat and on her social media channels. Vex acted as a moderator on his channel and Percy was banned from “helping” as he had a habit of inciting more chaos than assistance simply to see what would happen.

It was nice to be seen. To be known. To be accepted.

He went to therapy every other week and set up a day a week for his channel to discuss mental health and encourage others. He continued to stream and release both audiobooks, getting his first official gig only a month before, and his digital art and graphics. And he had stayed faceless the whole time. He took on the frustration of invasive fans, numerous doxing threats, and the chastising of some of the streaming community for it. But for Vax, it was an element of keeping control over that aspect of his life after it was taken away from him.

Now, it seemed everyone had to be there for what should not have been a momentous occasion. Pike had agreed to come up to help ensure they had everything recorded correctly and assist with the sound editing one last time. Grog had come because the man still did not trust her car to make the journey and Keyleth simply had wanted to meet Vex and Cassandra at long last. What no one expected was for Keyleth and Percy to become fast friends. They were outside on the small porch with beers in their hand and had been since “too many people” showed up. Too many meaning Scanlan, who had flown in and had Cassandra pick him up unannounced to everyone.

Vax did not mind, however. All but Allura and Kima were present. Gilmore, after all, had taken residence in the second bedroom. His own set up was now in the side “den” room to the front of the apartment.

“The least you could do is actually help,” Vex shot back and checked the frame of the camera one last time with Cassandra acting as her stand-in.

“I’m here for moral support” he replied and took a drink.

“Did you have to pick him up,” Vax asked Cassandra, who shrugged and tucked her bleached streak behind her ear.

“I figured Pike would be happy.”

“I am happy,” Piked called from the hallway. “Does not mean I would not have liked a warning. Where are we all going to fit?”

“I’m sharing a bed with Vax,” Scanlan announced. He laughed at the groan Vax gave out and took his post by the doorframe.

“Like hell you are.”

“Gilmore has dibs?”

“Gilmore is my roommate!”

“Oh my god, they…”

He was silenced as Vex clamped her hand over his mouth. She was rewarded by Scanlan licking her hand, much to her disgust.

“Scanlan, let them work. It’s bad enough you’re being a menace when they don’t need to focus.”

“Fine…”

It was chaos. But it was family in a way he had not felt since they lost their mother. Each person was there to help, even if by lightening the mood and keeping Vax from having a panic attack in the moment. Scanlan was playing the role he knew was needed perfectly, and Vax appreciated it. He simply did not want to let to what extent he appreciated it. That ruined the fun, after all. But the house was loud and too warm with all of the bodies crammed inside. Pike and Vex’s baked goods had made everything smell divine since that morning. It was not perfect by a longshot. But for the first time in a while, Vax felt he had broken the surface. He felt like he was on the road to being okay, maybe even truly happy. And he learned how to accept okay was good enough at times.

There was no quick fix. A healthy potential relationship would not make what he felt magically vanish. Success and acceptance were not immediate balms on the years of pain he had gone through. He would learn and grow with each step of the way. And he would stumble as he went. He would continue to make mistakes along the way. But the man also knew he would have people there to help him. People who wanted to be there. Not because they were in his life by force as family or there on a surface level because it was easy to connect on voice chat. But because he had family and friends who wanted to be with him. Who wanted him to succeed. And were proud to be there.

And Vex?

“Get over here, Stubby,” he called as Vex ducked out of the room.

“I… fuck off, my eye lashes came off, give me a second.”

“For the love of god, we’re not making a million-dollar movie,” he groaned and tossed his head back.

It seemed she was not going to let him face this new part of the journey alone.

_Camera on. Take one. Take four.  
Take seven.  
Two hours of filming. Four hours of editing.  
Clip tracks. Merge tracks.  
Blooper track._

_Half million sub announcement.  
Releases in 2 days.  
Set up channel. Set up plans.  
Email manager._

_Notification team on alert.  
The friends at their sides.  
Go live._

The Channel? Two Poe Twins, off their username pairing of QuothTheRaven and Nevermore92. It was shared on everyone’s twitter. The video opened with a black screen and white text at first. Stating, “This is about to be a new venture into YouTube and content creation. From the residents of the Content Haus and The Poe Twins…”

The letters disappeared and the screen stayed blank for another second, then cut to a set of siblings sitting in a room. The room itself was a spectacle. Clearly the master bedroom of the place, it had space for three different desks, bookshelves, and a vanity. A number of foldable screens with different patterns blocked the view of the bathroom door and open closet space, through the red light of something set up inside glowed through regardless. The room was neat and laid out so that every space made for a clean setting for a video or picture.

The first desk was an L-shape set up for art and was in a magnificent level of ordered disarray. A tablet on its port with the glove and stylus beside it. Two monitors and a keyboard that was color-coded for hotkeys on editing software. The smaller leg of the desk had physical art supplies on with a lighting set up and a mount for a camera. The rest of the supplies were tucked away, most likely in the two sets of drawers that were underneath. The second was a modern computer desk with a curved screen and a tablet attached as a second screen. It was raised with lighting set-ups at an angle. It faced the third desk so these two had a backdrop of a wall. The gaming setup had a number of LED panels and digital prints of artwork. The final desk had a vanity as a backdrop and more art in a similar style, but less dark in theme. The backdrop was not LED panels but the bookshelves and the vanity.

The siblings were twins of half-Korean descent. The girl was stunning with her well-manicured eyebrows and perfectly sharp and identical wings of black eyeliner only slightly obscured by her lashes and natural toned eyeshadow. Her cheekbones had highlighter on them, a soft shimmer of an almost green hue that made her eyes look a lighter brown. Her hair was half up with a string of woven adornments pinned to the braid in the back. The hair accessory included a single blue feather at the top and was left to move freely from the rest of the piece. She had a simple top of neutral colors and a coy smirk on her face.

Beside her was a face that had been seen before, but less often now than a few months ago. He looked better not half-blurred by the stealth picture that was taken that day out on the town. His long, black hair was tied back much like his sister’s but in a bun instead. Some strands fell around his face and he was a bit darker in skin tone with a bit of a tan by his eyes from wearing sunglasses. His ears were pierced with small gauges and the lip rings wiggled a bit as he played with them out of nervous habit. The brother wore a plain white shirt with a chain around his neck that had a raven-skull pendent that dangled at his chest. Off screen, his thumb played with the ring on his forefinger. Also, off screen, his sister had a comforting hand on his thigh.

“Hello,” he started calmly as he did with every audio book chapter, “and welcome to the new channel. In honor of the five _hundred_ thousand subscribers on my streaming profile and half that on my separate content channel, I have decided to take the next step in content. But I have not done this alone.”

“As my brother is busy with his other ventures, this will be a dual channel between the two of us. Together, we will go through the… foolishness and fun of clickbait content and challenges while exploring other aspects of our lives people have asked us about on his streams and on social media.”

“For the time being, there will be no change to my regular schedule, but my mental health talks will move here.” He grinned and looked at his sister.

“But part of this channel will be me learning to play video games, art, and editing with Raven for your entertainment.”

“And I will go through the ridiculousness that Nevermore wishes to drag me through as retaliation.” He looked back at the camera after smiling at his sister. “Stay tuned and keep an eye out for future updates from the Content Haus. Additional footage of the Content House T-M move and our own Content _Haus_ creation videos will be inbound as well as Nevermore’s first steps into playing Doom and Ultimate Chicken Horse while I have an at home spa day with Nevermore and Keyleth and learn to bake bear claws.”

“Until next time, take care. And remember to love each other.”

The twins waved at the camera and the video cuts to a digital image of rain falling against a glass behind a bird skull for a few seconds as links to Raven’s other channel and their social media information show at the bottom of the screen.

_One Thousand. Five Thousand  
Comments. Shares Likes.  
Explosion.  
She’s so pretty. He’s so hot_

_Ten.  
Higher. Higher._

Vax felt his sister hug him from behind and he smiled through the tears. The tracker was screenshared to one of the second monitors as the rest played Mario Kart on the main room. He was home. He was soon.

He’d be whole, soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin.
> 
> Thank you everyone for being on this (short) ride with me through Vax's journey! It was fun to break away from the relationship-heavy and ensemble feel of my other works to focus on one person specifically. I hope y'all enjoyed this and that maybe you will join me on my next adventure. Keep an eye out on my social media for what that will be.
> 
> xoxo Pockets  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alphapockets) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/alphapockets)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for stopping by. This chapter was a lot of set up, I know .  
> If anyone is here from [Discord:New Message](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27158983/chapters/66327625), the group chat element y'all are familiar with will come into play here in the next chapter. <3
> 
> These are going to be meaty posts, so they may come out weekly rather than twice a week like Discord. I hope you enjoyed.  
> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alphapockets) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Pockets__) where I am slowly learning how to be active.
> 
> xoxo Pockets


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